


Memory So Long Ago

by Lialette



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Character Death, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Exploitation, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Lime, Memories, Non-Linear Narrative, Psychological Drama, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 07:08:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12127188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lialette/pseuds/Lialette
Summary: He had kept you under his gaze until you broke. There was nothing for you to feel or to trust anymore until he filled this void with his obsession with you. As natural instincts took over, you started to crave for a brighter world – loving him, your heart and mind decided, was the only chance your fragile broken soul could survive.You remembered.





	1. Prologue: It is foolish to fear that which you cannot avoid

“You said you care about me. Was it a lie?”

  
You were leaning on the door frame of his office, arms crossed. You couldn’t bring yourself into entering completely. Entering his office meant being at his mercy, succumbing to him, losing to him. Playing his little game which he called affection. You wanted to end this all.

Withering away, caged under his gaze you felt your strength fade away. You tried hard enough and maybe he tried too, but your love for him, his infatuation with you was never meant to end in an everlasting after. You knew it from the start, from the moment he stepped into your life, that whatever he wanted was never to last. Yet you tried, for what purpose you did not know. Maybe you wanted to fix, what was never to be fixed. Maybe you wanted to save what did not want to be saved. Maybe you wanted his love for you to be real. Maybe it was. Someday. Long ago.

 

He was sitting in his chair, his back to you. His desk saving you from a direct confrontation. His glasses shading whether he was looking out of the window or watching your reflection.

  
“My queen, I never lie”, he said, lifting his right arm to support his head.  
“Please don’t call me that anymore.”  
“Fufufu, but what should I call you then? I’m only stating facts, my queen.”, you frowned and turned away. You whished you could believe him. You once did. Long ago.  
You were contemplating whether you should just turn around and leave his residence or whether confronting him once more was a better idea, even though you were sure to get hurt worse then you currently felt.

His change saddened you; his words cutting right into you, leaving marks and tying you up while you drown in your memories, foolishly hoping for some kind of rekindling passion.  
You just wanted him to take your hand, to kiss your palm like he always did back then and to tell you that everything will be alright, that yes, it was crazy, you both were, but you could not throw everything you ever had away, that he will change for the better, never hurting you again, that it will be alright, everything will be alright!

  
“I’m leaving you, Doffy…”, you croaked, cracking a bitter smile. There was no use in waiting any longer, in hoping any longer. Why didn’t he feel the same way?

Doflamingo raised his head, tilting his face just enough to see you out from the corner of his eyes.  
“Oh? And why is that?”, you wince at his gruff voice.  
“You know exactly why”, you whispered, straightening yourself. His eyes remained hidden beneath those glasses, his posture unchanged.

  
You turned around, pushing the door wider, wanting to leave this place and run as far as it took for you to be out of his reach, but his right hand slammed into the wall, causing you to flinch while he shut the door with this left hand, pushing you inside.

“Don’t you dare turn your back on me, (y/n). We are not done until I say so”, Doflamingo grabbed your waist, pinning you to the wall, his massive body pressed against you. You quivered when he slid his rough hand underneath your shirt, stroking your bare skin.  
“Is it, because I stopped touching you, huh?”, he bent down, sliding his long tongue across the crook of your neck before biting down, sucking delightfully.  
You tried to push him away, but he effortlessly pinned your arms above your head. You felt his hot breath on your cheek.  
“My, since you missed my touch so much, why don’t we move from here onto my desk?”, he lifted you up, his strings holding your wrists above your head. You knew, if you succumb to him right now, you will never be capable of leaving him.

Pretending to touch you, how he once used to. It hurt, it hurt so much. Seeing his deceptive act made you remember his words he once muttered so carelessly, being half asleep while believing you to be as well.

  
_“I can’t recognize myself without you by my side. If you leave, I will not know where to go”._

  
Doflamingo set you down on his desk, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look up. You couldn’t see his eyes, yet his gaze seemed stoic. He stopped smiling, his mouth set in a hard line. His grip tightening.  
“If you crave me so much, my queen, why leaving me then?”  
“If you touch me more than that, I will never forgive you”, you said, holding his gaze.

  
Doflamingo burst out laughing, throwing his head back: “(y/n), you forgot that you are mine. I can touch you whenever I want. How far I go, is solely mine to decide”.  
You tried to fight back your tears, as his massive hand started to run over your shoulders, slowly sliding off your sleeves. You could not run away, you were breaking. Slowly. He lowered his head, moving his lips towards yours, but you turned away.

“Denying a thirsty man his water? What a cruel woman you`ve become”, he said, grabbing your chin and forcing his lips onto yours. His kiss was rough, it was ruthless. You pressed your lips together, tried to deny him every possibility to break you any further, but he slid his tongue inside as soon as you grasped for air. You closed your eyes, hoping for this to end.

  
“I don’t think you realize exactly what you are doing to me”, you felt his breath right next to your ear. His arms rested on your arms, squeezing them so hard it hurt.  
“You will stay here with me, my queen”, he breathed. You opened your eyes, expecting him to touch you once again, but he removed his hands from you, freeing you from his strings. He didn’t back away, his gaze remained on you. You stared back at him.  
“I can’t. I can’t do this anymore”, you whispered, folding your hands in your lap, “Ever since you became king, you changed. There is nothing holding me here anymore, Doffy.”, sadness clouded your features. Even if you were capable of staying, you wouldn’t do it. This void could never be filled.

  
His jaw tightened. “Why do you think I would let you go?”  
“Because you never hurt me. Not physically.”  
“Then give me a reason…”, his expressions darkened, “to not tie you up and burn this whole house down?”, your eyes widened. He was not someone to talk like that. He was not someone to show any sign of weakness.

  
“Doffy, you will break me!”, you stood up, slowly backing away from him. His eyes followed you, ready to interfere if you made a step too close to the door.  
“So what? I’m losing you either way”, a corner of his mouth lifted, “could as well keep you here”.  
“Then you didn’t care after all?”, you winced as you were once again pressed against the door, his hands cornering you. His long fingers traced their way up to your throat.  
“If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be alive anymore”  
“Then why do you treat me like a thing you brought and got tired of playing with? Why can’t I leave this house? Why do you have to control every aspect, every moment of my life?! Why are you still sleeping with every woman you invite into this house?”, you shouted, grabbing his coat, yet his face remained blank.

This love you once thought he could feel, was never real. Affection would have sufficed. You would have stayed. If he had cared. If he had let you try. Your only defence was ever running back to him, hoping. But now all this hope you gathered over the years, every progress, every step forward was crushed under the walls he chose to erect.

“Because I’m a king”, he said, lowering his arms. He reached for the doorknob and opened the door.

“Go.”

Your eyes winded as you watched the door opening. You frowned at his calm posture. There was no way he let you go, but there was your chance, you couldn’t let this go, you couldn’t let yourself get destroyed by him. Yet you hesitated, looking at your husband out of the corner of your eye. He did not move. He did not look away.  
With every strength remaining in your shaking legs, you ran out of the door, out of his mansion. Despair and exhaustion clinging onto your sanity, screaming at you to stay with him. Because it was safe. You were safe. From the rest of the world, yet not from him. Your heart screamed to give it time, to take a breath – it feared regret. Your body moved on its own, not caring at all. You couldn’t survive with him. You had to try alone.

 

“Young master! (y/n) just left the mansion. Are you letting her go?”, Baby 5 appeared in Doflamingo’s office, gasping for air. The blond just shook his head.

  
“No. I let her run”, he said, smirking to himself, “I will give her three days until I hunt her down and bring her back. She will realize, that running is no option and that staying is the only choice she has.”, Baby 5 nodded and left, slightly worried about to what extent he decided to further involve (y/n) into his plans.

  
Doflamingo sat on his chair and turned to watch the night sky out of his windows.  
He was a king who was born to rule. He will not tell her, that she is his only weakness which he desperately tried to hide from the rest of the world. They know of her, they will try to hold her against him. She will not know, that it was the safest by his side and that the change she wanted accrued a long time ago. With everyone at his back, waiting for him to fail and observing every step he does, all he could do is hide those he held dear at his front, showing but deceiving. He will not let her leave him, nor will he allow her to know.

When the third day arrived, Doflamingo sent out his crew to retrieve her. When they came back empty handed, he put his hand around their necks and sent them again.

  
The Queen was gone.

  
He gritted his teeth, his veins on his forehead already popping out when they dared to show up again without her, so he decided to go himself.  
After a month, he returned. Alone. No one dared to ask or approach the blond man, feeling his wrath emitting out of his body. He will never find her until she decided to find him three years later.


	2. As you make your bed, so you must lie.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all began long ago. He was a cruel man, which had never changed. You experienced it, when he found you the very first time.

You met him when he was twenty-six. You just turned twenty and finished medical school; learning how to treat open wounds on the battle field without putting yourself in danger. Your teacher told you to stay behind those who needed you and if they could not protect you any longer, you were to find yourself someone who could. “Shields”, he called them. People who used your ability for their own sake and in return protect you, granting you to move freely around the demolished soils while healing the victims of war equally on either side.

You didn’t know which war this was, neither who started it nor who was right or wrong. You didn’t even know how long you’ve been doing this already. The only thing that was on your mind was how tired you were of seeing blood so unnecessarily spilled. But you couldn’t think about it for more than a moment, since a pistol was pressed against your temple and the clicking sound of the trigger being slowly pressed made your mind go blank.

“I won’t enjoy this, you know? I like a pretty face to stay on a pretty neck, but well – I can’t let you heal my enemies.”, the big figure next to you grunted, forcing you on your knees.

“We can talk about this. What about I heal your friends and you let me go instead?”, you suggested, lifting your hands of the ground. You tried to sound as calm as possible. Pirates were dubious, unpredictable and impetuous beings, which could negotiate today and start war as soon as you turned your back on them. You had to choose your words carefully to avoid challenging him to proof something, just because you questioned something he was proud of. But you believed in reason.

“Sorry, babe. No talking here. Say bye to-“, the pirate was about to press the trigger, when a giant figure suddenly appeared behind him. His eyes went wide, his hands trembling with fear. You looked up, but you were blinded by the setting sun.

“Heh, look what the cat dragged in! A little maggot interfering with my business”, a deep voice proclaimed mischievously.

“Do…. Doflamingo. I didn’t know she was your business, I swear!”, the pressure against your temple vanished immediately and you heard the pistole hitting the ground. The pirate turned around, hands above his head.

“See? I let her go! I won’t interfere anymore. I swear, just let me go, please”, he bagged. The man called Doflamingo laughed.

“Heh, but you already threated my business”, Doflamingo took a step closer, “…besides -  you would have died anyway”, his body covered the sun and you could finally look up to him. He was incredibly tall, lean and very muscular. His bright colored pink feather coat hung loosely on his shoulders, slightly waving in the wind. His hands were tucked in his pockets and his eyes were covered by sunglasses.

You were impressed by his presence, but your instincts screamed to run. This whole deal shifted into a tremendously more dangerous situation. Your mind was aware of that, but your mouth was not.

“Since when did I became some sort of business to you?”, as soon as the words left you, you already regretted not running right away, since both man shifted their gaze to look at you. You swallowed. To your surprise, the blond man threw his head back and laughed.

“The moment I set my eyes on you, you feisty woman!”, he snickered. Before you could retort, his index finger twitched and the pirate who was threatening you before, fell forward, landing on his face. His screams died, and he stopped moving.

You quickly stood up. Your eyes were wide, staring at the motionless body. Your mind was still processing what had just happen, when Doflamingo started to move towards you. You didn’t waste a second, as you turned on your heel and ran as quickly as possible across the battlefield, even risking being hit by cannon balls.  This man was no joke. He killed with a single movement and now he seemed to want something from you. Men like this were no shields. They were predators. Your teacher often called them “Shells”, but refused to consistently call them so.  
  
“Try to avoid those men at any price.”, he once said, “If you can’t, use them – but never for more than to get away. Do not listen to what they say, don’t let them come near you and especially- “, he frowned here, you remembered, “don’t ever go with them!”.

You never had to deal with someone like this before, and your teacher was not here to help you.

The soils were covered in corpses, which you had trouble leaping over without tripping or slowing down, but you managed to get out of his sight.  
A young marine, approximately your age, was crawling towards his lost leg, sobbing and clinging to his rifle. Cannon balls hit the ground next to him and you found yourself stopping dead on your tracks. Your mind screamed to get away, but your feet carried you towards him.

“Damn it, come on!”, you shouted. The marine rolled himself on his back.

“You’re helping me?!”, he asked astonished, when you reached for his lost leg and pushed it against his raw wound. He let out a scream racked with pain.

“I’m going to help! But please tell me, when the tall man with the pink coat comes into your sight!”

“You…you mean Doflamingo?”

“Yes”, you didn’t know him, but it seemed everyone else did. Another reason to get away quickly.

Your hands hovered above the wound between leg and severed foot. A yellowish light emerged from his body, before being pulled into your palms.

“W-what?!”, your palms ignited, and white light manifested itself around bone and flesh, slowly sticking it back together. You looked behind your shoulder. He was still nowhere in sight.

The marine watched your hands in amazement - slowly floating above his melting flesh with a light so bright to potentially blind you. It was the only light left on this god-forsaken grounds, not even the sun dared to illuminate.

“There!”, you exclaimed, after dressing his wound, “Don’t strain your leg, since the bone structure has just been restored and get the hell out of here as fast as possible!”. The small voice in the deepest corner of your head laughed. He won’t survive, she giggled, your efforts are in vain, she cried.

Healing those who waged war was like giving to those who were lost, hope and light to cling onto, even though neither light nor hope could save them from what they had become. Light would extinguish, hope would be exploited – devoured and taken to justify what they had done; taking courage to continue to do so.

Heal a man in war and he will continue to fight. Because men fight out of enjoyment or out of duty. Let all those men fight and there will be no men. The vicious circle of a human being.

“I can’t leave them here alone. We will fight together or go down alone!”, the marine suddenly exclaimed. He bowed his shaved, almost bald head.

“Someday, I will be able to thank you properly. Until then, please take my protection. I will guide you off the battlefield”, he said, slowly straightening up.

You smiled, gladly accepting the offer. But before being able to even say a word, the marine’s eyes went wide, and he was send flying into a group of fighting pirates.

 

 _He won’t be part of your story for a very long time – but it is said, that he survived the war and had a successful career, developing Haki and even eating a devil fruit. He rose in ranks until being promoted to a Vice-Admiral, ten years later known as Smoker the White Hunter_.

 

“I come to like your attitude, little girl”, your body stiffened immediately. He found you! He freaking found you! It took him only seconds to chase you down without even being seen by you or that marine.

He stood behind you and you could feel his mischievous grin spreading across his face. You didn’t dare to turn around. Shit!

“Even though I must admit, that you are fast and the dagger you pulled before could potentially have killed that maggot - you shouldn’t underestimate me – especially since I believe you’ve never heard of me”, he was now circling you like a vulture. You felt his covered eyes travel down your body, devouring every centimeter of your ripped clothes and exposed skin.

Your right arm was suddenly pulled towards him and he grasped your wrist, tugging it into the air. You winced; his grip was harsh, and you heard a bone cracking.

“You damn..-“, your cry was cut short, when he placed his thumb on your lips.

“Heh Heh, a really entertaining attitude, indeed. But tell me, little girl, do you know why these men fear me this much?”, he sneered.

You tried to get away from his touch, kicking him, punching him, but he was too tall – with you hovering above the ground and one arm immobilized, your legs couldn’t reach him.

“Let…me..go!”, you muttered, his thumb remaining on your lips. You didn’t know his powers, but you knew he was a lunatic, which was reason enough to be feared in battle.

“So, you don’t. Good”, Doflamingo snickered. His thumb was slowly trailing your bottom lip, his tongue moistening his own.

“But I have seen, what you can do, little girl. Your powers could truly benefit me, so listen to my words carefully.”, the blond man released your wrist and you tumbled to the ground, scraping your skin.

“I will only offer you this once, since I’m a reasonable man, so it is take it or leave it”, he was towering above you, looking down upon your small figure.

Suddenly, a sword landed next to you, getting stuck in the mud. Some rays of light found their way through the heavy cloud cover, reflecting on its metal surface. You could see yourself laying there, eyes wide.

Before you could even consider the possibility, Doflamingo chuckled. You looked up to him, his sunglasses reflecting the same wide and frightened eyes.

“Feel free to foolishly attempt to escape, I won’t budge”, he tucked his hands inside his pockets, “But if you collaborate… I will end this war you desperately wish to stop”.

You gasped, the air leaving your lungs. There was no way.

You didn’t believe him. Why would he do something so unnecessary; what was he gaining out of it? If he needed your power, he wasn’t strong enough to make a difference in this war. Your power was not destructive either, it couldn’t be used against others. You had to get away, just get a-

“I’m a man of word, (y/n).”

“How do you know my name?!”, you tried to stand up, but he forcefully pushed you down with his foot.

“I know quite a lot about you- I might even say everything - yet you managed to hide from me for such a long time. You’re a troublesome woman, heh.”, the pressure on your stomach increased even more, as he pushed you further down.

“Now… I’m a patient man, but I have still things I need to take care of, so make up your mind before I stop being this man”.

You didn’t even listen to his words as you grabbed the sword and pulled it out. Doflamingo raised his eyebrows, still grinning.

But his grin disappeared as you vanished from his sight. He turned around, but couldn’t detect you. He growled. Then, he felt something warm dripping down his cheek and he twirled around, catching your sword just in time with his haki armored hand.

“Shit!”, you cursed, quickly backing away. He didn’t know everything about you and you really wanted to keep it like this. But at this rate, you inevitably had to fight him to escape. The only thing you could hold against him was your speed. But you failed and now he knew. You attempted to run, but your body wouldn’t listen. You were immobilized.

“You choose poorly, girl”, he was now scowling, his lips pressed to a hard line. He used his thumb to wipe the blood from his cheek, before observing the crimson liquid, as if contemplating what to do.

Then he raised his long arm into the air and you watched in horror as the whole sky was getting covered in tiny, yet visible threads, caging the whole island.

Some pirates stopped fighting at watched the threads reaching the ground. They threw their weapons to the ground and started screaming.

“What did you do?! What are those?!”, you cried, trying to lift your arm or at least move a finger.

More pirates and marines had caught up and were now frantically running in opposite directions.

Doflamingo snickered, his grin appearing again. You hated it.

 

“I told you, I’m a man of word. I will end this war for you, but I will punish you for behaving so poorly as well”, he closed his fist and the strings started to move towards the center of the island.

“They will stop fighting- as soon as my strings cut through them. There is no escape, I caged them all.”, Doflamingo laughed, turning his head to you. You were stunned speechless.

“What kind of monster are you?!”, you croaked.  Pirates and marines were trying to get onto their ships, but his strings prevented them from leaving the island. You watched limbs getting chopped off, blood getting spilled.

You underestimated his sanity and now thousands of people had to pay the price. He had offered you what you desired the most, but you foolishly refused to listen. You hated this man from the bottom of your heart. And he enjoyed it.

“Please stop it, I’ll obey! I come with you, but please! Stop it!”, you sobbed, tears streaming down your face. You didn’t look him in his covered eyes, you couldn’t watch yourself throwing away everything your teacher has ever taught you and which you held dear.

The blond man snickered: “It is rather late to be considering this. My offer was limited – I’m doing this my own way now.”

Realization seeped through your mind; You doomed all those lives.

The last thing you remembered was a big, slimy figure appearing next to you. You saw Doflamingo nod, before everything turned black.

 

_At this point of time, your hatred for Doflamingo started to tremendously stir. This memory of him remained etched in your mind forever. His touch or his kisses never changed that, but as time flew by, you started to see his walls begin to crumble and you found something to hold onto.  Even though your hatred never fully disappeared, you eventually started to love him. At least you tried. There was a time, where you almost forgot that day, in which he killed all those lives you hopelessly tried to protect and in which he forced himself upon you. Yet you didn’t, but maybe you tried._

_After you had left him, you often found yourself wondering what kind of change induced you into believing in him. You always knew he was a delusional and cruel man, who would do everything in order to gain some sort of advantage. So why did you feel so special next to him? Why did he bother to pretend to like you?_

_At the beginning, you believed him to be a broken soul, which you could fix and save from himself – save the world from him. But you let yourself being manipulated by him, indulging to his lust, savoring his hunger, and before you even knew, you found yourself desiring his love._

_In this story, up until your present time, you will never get to know what Doflamingo truly felt about you and he will never be able to tell you himself._

_All you had was the memory of him, pretending to do so. And you treasured them. All those three years._

_But those memories shattered into thousand pieces when you saw him again._

* * *

 

_“Fufufu, to what do I owe the pleasure of seeing my beautiful wife again?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've maybe noticed, that this won't be an ordinary smutty and lovey-dovey (Doffy) story. I can't see Doflamingo in a healthy relationship , but I do believe he is capable of changing, so there is hope!  
> There will be narrative interruptions to clarify things your character will either never know or things which will be used later in the story but are important for a specific moment to maybe interpret someones behavior or words differently.
> 
> Also, I changed some things concerning age and timeline, so consider this an alternative universe since a lot has changed (Looking at you, Traffy).  
> You meeting Doffy again won't be postponed to the end of the story, but rather will take place at the same time as the "actual story of how everything came to be".
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy! Feel free to tell me your opinion on all this and of course to correct mistakes I made.
> 
> Next chapter: Misery loves Company


	3. Misery loves Company: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split the chapter into two parts. Please enjoy the first part. The second one will me rated explicit. I would love to hear your opinion on this, so please enjoy!

_Did you honestly believe that forgetting was just that easy? That between your first hello and last goodbye love had never existed?_

_Sometimes, when people are strong, they wake up someday and the feeling would be gone. No more craving his touch or longing for his warmth. But in other times, people just forget they cared and succumb to a state where reducing the pain to a level that doesn’t destroy you is the only way a life without him would be considered bearable. In such cases, you could try to move on, let everything go and start to be happy again – but as soon as you hear his voice, his laugh, see his eyes and smell his scent, your heart will shatter in thousand pieces and your feelings would come crushing down on you._

_What were you supposed to do if you didn’t want to be the latter? Since you couldn’t control or choose it, was it maybe better to never love at all?_

_Just bear in mind – if you choose forgetting, you will remember too._

 

 

The stars had lost their meaning a long time ago – dim orbs dying far away from your reach.  You remembered looking up to them, when your heart was drowning in despair; your mind forsaken by the world. Every prayer you sent to them while the man you wanted to hate so much devoured every part of you, was left unheard. The color drained out of your world.

He had kept you under his gaze until you broke. There was nothing for you to feel or to trust anymore, until he filled this void with his obsession with you. As natural instincts took over, you started to crave for a brighter world – loving him, your heart and mind decided, was the only chance your fragile, broken soul could survive.

 

_The first memory of him killing all those innocent people - the purpose you saw in your life, had broken your spirit._

 

You were standing outside his cell, Magellan’s massive figure shielding you from his view. His chains clattered, sliding across concrete. You knew he sensed you. He knew you were there, but he remained silent.

You nodded, gesturing Magellan to leave. He didn’t seem to agree to this whole situation, and maybe there was truly no sense in it at all, but you couldn’t care less in this moment. Your live had to resume; facing him now was the only chance to succeed. A slight chance. Despair was holding on to it.

The vice warden slowly removed from you sight and your heart skipped a beat when you saw his short blond hair on his lowered head again after three years hiding from him. He was sitting against the wall opposite to you, his hands tied behind his back. He still didn’t look at you and you didn’t want him either.

The silence engulfed your mind, almost finding peace in the moment. But it was only a fleeting moment -  he always knew how to take them away from you.

“Hello, my dear.”, his deep voice echoed through your ears, slashing through your heart. It was still silky, still strong and full of promises. His words were the same as back then, when you met him in his room a long time ago. You hoped he had broken. A useless prayer once again unheard.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing my beautiful wife again?”, he slowly lifted his head, the shadows of the cell leaving his face.

It had taken all your courage to not look away. His intense gaze laid heavily on your figure, trying to devour every centimeter of your body. _Again_. You felt exposed, but you hold his stare.

Doflamingo noticed your uncertainty, his chains vibrating as he threw his head back and chuckled.

“I don’t think you have forgotten me, my queen. So, tell me, what brings you here?”

“Saying farewell.”, his smirk grew wider when he heard your voice; so small and weak compared to him, but determined to sound firm. Oh, he knew you so well, reading you like a book.

_He was impressed to find you here, truly, he was. Seeing your beautiful face, hearing your once vibrant voice again. He would say anything to provoke you to do the same. Words were enough right now._

_“_ I wanted to let you know, that I moved on. After today, you won’t see me ever again”, you opened your jacket, pulling out a crumpled-up piece of paper and a small Den Den Mushi, “I want you to read this.”

You unfolded it and placed the paper in front of him, only allowing your arm to enter behind the bars. His smirk vanished instantly, covered eyes skipping over the bolt printed lines.

“Divorce?”, you felt the air thickening, “Was I such a bad husband to you?”, he asked, a grin spreading across his face again. You couldn’t pinpoint the subtle hint hidden in his wry voice.

“Just do what it says, Doffy. Please.”

“Oh ~ say it again”, the blond snickered, “I love it when you say my name, but hearing you moan it was much better.”

Ignoring his insinuations, you showed him the Den Den Mushi sitting in your palm. “Considering your recent situation, a verbal declaration suffices. Just read the words written out load.” His gaze shifted to the paper again. You expected him to laugh, to manipulate you, but he currently seemed to genuinely contemplate giving you what you desired.

“Free me, Doffy. Please.”

You gulped. Seconds passed like hours. Your heartbeat accelerating in your chest, lungs reluctantly accepting the thick air.

When he finally looked up to you, his lips were set in a hard line, his already covered eyes hidden by the dark.

“Very well. Step inside and I talk.”, he whispered, almost inaudibly. You gasped.

For the very first time since you left him three years ago, you felt capable of regaining your freedom. Just one weakness, one broken state of mind and you were free. That’s what you foolishly believed. You should have known by now, that freedom was nothing he was willing to give you ever again.

He eagerly watched you opening the cell, stepping inside the dark corner. His fingers were firmly clenched into fists, when you crouched down, holding the Den Den Mushi close to his lips.

“Speak”, you ordered, determined hope glistering in your eyes _._

 _So foolish, yet so brave_.

You felt his hot breath brushing your fingers when he bent forward, his lips slowly opening.

“With this declaration…”, he read, “…I, Donquixote Doflamingo, confirm….”, he locked his eyes with yours, the corner of his mouth turning up, “…that I will find you and make you mine again.”

The snail fell to the ground as you hid your face in your hands, his laugh loudly echoing through the cell. You should have known.

“WHY?! Just once in my live, Doffy! Why can’t you make me happy just once?!”, you cried out, grasping the collar of his striped shirt, shaking him.

“Fufufufu, did you really believe, that I will stay here forever, (y/n)? These chains won’t hold me much longer.”

His threatening words faded into nothing, not reaching your ears as you spun around on you heel and slid the bars to the side at full tilt.

“Burn in hell, Doflamingo”, your voice quivered but succeeded in keeping a certain strength, your eyes watering. He was looking down, smirking to himself, enjoying the power you were showing him to have over you.

You took the snail, calling the guards to pick you up as Doflamingo’s voice echoed through your ears once again.

“(Y/n)”, he watched your fingers helplessly clenching the snail, hoping for his words to end, but he had still to give you something he had waited to give for a long time, “Three days - I will grant you three days until I hunt you down and make you love me again.”, he whispered huskily.

Magellans guards were approaching, footsteps getting louder as you stared at him, eyes wide, hands shaking.

“I don’t care about your threats”, you whispered, eyes still wide, “you didn’t find me last time.”

There were hands grasping your arms, moving you away.  You tilted your head to watch him, not blinking once, as he raised his head, your figure reflected in his sunglasses and slowly moving his lips for the last time. You felt time standing still.

“This time…it is a promise.”

The giant door closed behind you, leaving you alone in your thoughts. He always held his promises. He always did. His words crawled under your skin, eating away your hope. He couldn’t find you, no. You were safe. He didn’t find you back then, there was nothing he could do.

_Except that – on one cold and rainy night all those three years ago, he actually did._

_He had found you._

 

_The second memory, which burnt into your mind and remained on your body up until this day, had broken your soul.  Here it is. Just be careful._

 

 

 

You woke up in a room you haven’t seen before. Your vision was still blurry, but you could see the light shining through big leadlight windows, illuminating the room in soft and warm colors.

Your neck hurt, your head ached, and your mind was screaming at you to pay attention. The peaceful atmosphere the room tried to feign was dissolved by your memory kicking in, shifting your thoughts to what had happened.

_“No, no,no! Please let this be a dream!”_

You tried to stand up, but your upper body couldn’t move. Your right wrist was handcuffed to the Victorian couch you were laying on and you felt a strange sting around your neck. Your left hand instinctively reached for it, trying to remove the pressure, but you winced as a stabbing pain shot through your body.

 

“Hello, my dear”.

 

You turned your head, searching for the source of the sudden voice. Your eyes widened when you saw _him_ sitting on the windowsill, his figure hidden by the waving curtains, “I would recommend not touching it”, he said casually.

He had one leg half bent, the other stretched out in front of him. He wore the same pink suit as you remembered last time, but his jacket was unbuttoned. He chuckled watching your wary gaze upon him and nipped on his wineglass.

“Where did you take me?!”, you lifted yourself into a sitting position, still struggling with the handcuffs. You let out a hiss when the metal cut through your flesh.

Doflamingo stood up, placing his glass on the windowsill next to him.

“Stay where you are!”, ignoring your words, he slowly approached you before crouching to your level. You watched his head tilting to the side as if observing the mess you were doing to your wrist.

He then slowly reached for your right hand, tucking it in his big one. You wanted to pull away, but his firm grip prevented you from doing so - an unspoken threat lingering in the air.

“You truly are a beautiful woman”, he hummed, watching you intensely, “…the most beautiful woman I ever had the pleasure to come upon. So, please, refrain from hurting yourself unnecessarily any further.”, he lifted your hand to his lips, lightly kissing the back of it.

You were stunned speechless and you could comprehend the impact he had on people a little more, seeing his charismatic act and choice of words impressing you. Except that you still remembered what he did. Your hand clenched to a fist when he finally let go of it.

“Where am I ?!”, you persisted, glaring at him.

“You’re on Spider Miles, but you won’t stay here for a long time, don’t worry”, he cupped your face with his right hand, forcing you to look him in his covered eyes.

“Since you are awake now, let’s get straight to business, (Y/N)”, he moved to the couch, settling himself next to you, crossing his legs.

“I won’t tell you anything”, you hissed, averting your eyes. You hopped, he hadn’t noticed the hair clip in your handcuffed hand. The man next to you pinched the bridge of his nose, his grin never leaving his lips.

“Oh, you misunderstand~”, he said, “This is nothing you can decide. In fact, you talking is fairly certain by now. I’m just still deciding of how much I want to hear.”, he moved his index finger to his head, lightly tapping his temple: “I just need to break this little mind of yours.”

 

_He had tried but didn’t succeed. Not at this point of time. He had broken your soul instead._

“Is this power of yours the Op Op no mi?”, he asked. You pressed your lips together, refusing to speak. You won’t betray your teacher; you won’t betray yourself.

“Okay then. _Who_ is your teacher?”, he was not looking at you anymore. His right hand was supporting his head, long fingers hidden underneath blond hair, and his eyes were focused on the carpet.

When you still refused to speak, he slowly shook his head, snickering: “All right, last chance. Can your power grant immortality?”

Ah, that’s what he wanted.

“No.”

Doflamingo seemed to consider your response, not being surprised by your answer. His right hand settled on the backrest, caging you with his almost intimate gesture. 

“I think you’re lying…”, he turned to you, watching your stoic face, secretly admiring your delicate features, “…and I despise lies.”

You felt the air shifting and Doflamingos aura changing tremendously. There was suddenly nowhere to look at.

“What difference does it make? Lying and refusing to speak end up the same for me. Shattering your dreams on the other hand, seems more inviting.” His left hand moved to your throat, lightly squeezing it – you hold his gaze, even though his big hand made it difficult for you to swallow.

“Shattering dreams? A very romantic and naïve way to look at the world…”, he said, his voice low, “…but it makes it easier to break you”, his hand then moved to you chin, his thumb caressing your skin.

Before you could respond in any way, Doflamingo closed the distance between you and pressed his lips on yours. Your hand moved instinctively to his chest, trying to push him away. He grinned into the kiss, but refused to budge. When his other hand moved into grabbing your hair, you bit his bottom lip with every strength remaining in your body. He let out a small hiss, jerking away.

“Fuck you, Doflamingo!”, you hissed, trying to steady your breath. The blond man chuckled, before wiping the blood from his lip.

“See? Just the way to break you.”, he sneered, standing up. Doflamingo put his hands in his pockets and bent down to pick up his wineglass.

You watched him move to the door: “Maybe you need a little time for yourself. Until then, I want your mouth to open.”, he said, suddenly stopping.

“Oh. I almost forgot.”, his right finger twitched causing your handcuffed hand to open. The hairclip fell to the ground and you flashed your teeth, glaring at him. Of course, he knew. Bastard!

“Don’t bother with it”, he grinned, “Your collar will prevent you from moving any further than two hundred meters away from me”. He gestured at your neck and you moved your head to the window, watching your reflection. Your eyes widened at the massive ring around your neck.

“What…what will happen then?”, you asked. Doflamingo raised his glass, nodding in your direction.

“Let’s don’t find out”, he answered while the hint of his voice suggested otherwise.

You gulped, and the blond laughed seeing your expression. Without another word he opened the door and left the room. The air kept thickening nevertheless. This whole situation suddenly became more serious; your mind finally started to process what had happened. You propped your head against the backrest, eyes focusing on nothing, just staring in thin air. You didn’t know what to do. No one had ever taught you what to do in such a situation. They always said to avoid them. Don’t go with them, they had said – and you didn’t! He took you away from your home, took away your freedom, your opportunity to ever return. What _should_ you do? You weren’t sure what he had in mind for you, but you had to expect the worst.  The advantage he hoped to gain from you was knowledge – if you would provide him with everything you knew, you would become useless and he would kill you. If you refused to speak, he would either kill you or torture you to speak. Was there any choice at all?

In this moment you realized, that neither your teacher nor the other elders ever knew what to do. They just hoped you wouldn’t get into such a situation. They had forsaken you.

 

 A woman had entered your room soon after Doflamingo had left. She brought you something to eat, removed your handcuffs and allowed you to move freely inside your room, which was apparently specially furnished for you. She wasn’t unfriendly, but her make-up freaked you out. She made it clear that every attempt to escape will not only harm you physically but also potentially harm others and this was a risk you quickly decided not to take.  The bitterness behind her words struck you like a bullet – The door was never unlocked, and the windows were open, illuminating the room without being enhanced with sea stone bars. Yet, there was nothing you could do. This freedom he was showing you was unattainable.

He had also provided you with clothes which you had discovered when you had stepped into the pretentious bathroom for the very first time, but you refused to wear them. They were different – not even as revealing as you had thought -but simply fitting _his_ flamboyant and pretentious appearance.

There were voices echoing behind your door which you hadn’t heard before and which words you couldn’t understand. You merely knew that his voice was never among them even though he had to be in close proximity, since your collar would physically hurt you if you moved two hundred meters away from him. Every time you tried to remove it pain shot through your body, paralyzing you for a moment and you could swear you could hear his laugh echoing through the walls, reminding you of his presence. But maybe it was solitude making you go crazy.

You often found yourself sitting on the windowsills, watching the blue sky and the birds, often even hearing children play. There was nothing else you could do. That woman visited occasionally, asking you if there was anything you desired. Doflamingo had instructed them to take the best care of you, she had said, and that no one else except her was allowed to enter your room. You didn’t feel safe after her words, but it soothed your anxiety to sleep at night.

She eventually granted you some books. Medicine, history, art and even law books were among the pile she brought into your room. Various of them were extremely rare and some of them were either so old or unreachable that you hadn’t even heard of them. Every single piece was from Doflamingos personal collection and it surprised you that he was actually a well-read person. How did an educated man like that become such a delusional lunatic?

It had been ten days without him.

Just when you thought he had suddenly become tired of you, the door to your room opened and the blond silently stepped inside.

You were sitting on you bed with the blanket covering your legs, leaning against the headboard and reading a book when you noticed him standing in the middle of the room.

“Hello, my dear”, his silky voice filled the room, making you shudder. You weren’t ready to see him again nor did you expect him to come at night.

You continued to stare at each other while the rain mercilessly poured down from the sky, lashing against the colored windows. Thunder disrupted the silence; lightning illuminating his face for a second. 

“I hope you made up your mind”, he said before slowly approaching you. Your hands left the book, grabbing the sheets to be ready to jump out of bed and to restore a certain distance between you both. He noticed your tenseness and decided to stop in front of one of your bedposts. You gulped when he leant his arm against the post, resting his forehead on top of it.

“I have nothing to say to you”, you whispered.

“What a shame”, he smirked down on you, “I believed you to be reasonable.”

You expected him to attack - to move closer to you or at least to immobilize you with his strings, but he did nothing of that sort. He just stood there without moving an inch, watching you behind his glasses, a smirk upon his lips. His words contradicted his actions and you couldn’t tell what he wanted anymore.

Even though he obviously seemed to enjoy the silence between you it made you uncomfortable. You had to evaluate the danger of the situation in order to act properly, but he didn’t give you anything to analyze. He just stared. So, you had to do something.

“I know about your eyes.”, you said while carefully observing his movements. You watched his head tilt to the side, his grin never faltering.

“My eyes? I don’t remember taking off my glasses…”, he snickered. His voice had become darker, granting you the danger you had expected to find.

You knew he was about to move, so you quickly pulled the blankets to the side, ready to jump out of bed, but he was over you even before your foot touched the ground. His massive body pressed onto your fragile one, cutting the air from your lungs and forcing your legs to open. His right arm seized both of yours and hold them above your head, his other rested on your hips. You turned your head away since his lips were just hovering above yours, his breath brushing your cheek.

“You are indeed a very interesting woman, (y/n)”, he snickered, “Tell me. Can you do it then? could you heal them?”, his fingers released your hips and began slowly moving up, tracing your curves the nightdress missed to cover completely. You tried to struggle his hand away until his invincible strings immobilized you. You let out a hiss when his finger brushed the side of your breast.

“Talk.”

“No, I can’t”, you hissed, “I can’t heal them!”

His hand haltered and his grin disappeared. Your heart accelerated, and your breath only reluctantly left your lungs. You regretted challenging him from the beginning, but your mouth and mind rarely coincided. He frowned, a vein protruding on his forehead.

Doflamingo seemed to consider your words and not clearly being able to tell if you were lying. You had one chance now.

“The damage was caused by emotional distress. I can’t heal physiological pain.”, you said while trying to maintain a firm voice. When you saw his grin appear again, you knew you messed up somehow.

“A very interesting perspective. Too bad that I know the cause which damaged them”, his fingers grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up to him.

“You’ve been receiving a very lenient treatment so far. Normal captives do not see the sunrise ever again, but you…”, he chuckled, “…you survived more than ten days in my house without being harmed. Who do you think is responsible for this? -“

“You brought me here after all! I’ve never agreed to this!”, you interrupted him, glaring at him.

“I’ve been a very patient man…”, he continued, his covered eyes never leaving yours, “…I only require simple answers, yet you disrespect me in such a way….”, you gulped when he moved closer to you, his breath touching the side of your neck. You were erratically breathing now, your wrists hurt from his firm grip and your eyes stung from holding back your tears.  If he wanted to break your mind he would succeed now, you thought. The pressure on your lungs was unbearable and the uncertainty of his next move, especially with his mouth so close to your neck frightened you.

You didn’t know what to expect but you didn’t expect him to let go of you and stand up, freeing you from his strings. Your lungs immediately filled with air.

“Goodnight, little girl”, he snickered and moved towards the door, “I will have my answers by the end of tomorrow.”, he promised.

You heard the door shut behind him and you sat up still breathing fitfully. Of course, they didn’t know. Of course, they couldn’t prepare you.

You hid your face inside your hands, bending forward. Of course, they had left you. How could anyone prepare or know what such a monster could do?

You allowed your tears to run down your cheeks, silently sobbing into your hands. The rain had stopped, the cold of the night soaked through the open windows.

 

_He would shatter you in his hands._

 


	4. Misery Loves Company Part 2 (Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THE ADDED TAGS. MENTIONS OF RAPE.

You hadn’t slept that night. The morning had come crushing down on you with the few sun rays burning holes into your skin. The windows were shut closed for the very first time since you had arrived here, and the heavy, motionless curtains seemed more like columns embedded in marble. The silence, which engulfed the room was cautioning. It was like waiting for the storm.

You pulled the covers to the side and stood up, the marble tiles sending cold chills down your spine. You walked to the window, resting your right hand against the glass. The treetops were still, abandoned by the wind. Only the clouds were allowed to move across the blue sky. The sun was there, hidden somewhere beyond your sight. Maybe that was what he was going to take away from you next. _Warmth_. Was he leading you into the cold until you crawled back to him, begging for some sort of mercy?

Just a thin layer of glass separated you from your freedom, but the world outside seemed different. Deprived of something you couldn’t name. Yet, the beauty remained, still visible underneath your fingers. The thought of never seeing this beauty again was bitter – that kind of bitterness, which shot through your body and making your heart clench painfully. You bit your lower lip before moving to clench your fingers into a fist.

You watched yourself in the reflection. Tired eyes, messy hair, ripped lips. Reality had hit you in the face and your mind couldn’t come up with a plan to get out of it. Just don’t break. Don’t break. You had promised to fight, even if it meant to fight yourself. _Please, don’t break_.

You removed your fist from the glass, letting your hand fall to your side.

Your eyes widened, and you let out a loud gasp, spinning around instantly. There was a boy standing on the spot in your room your fist had covered a second ago. His calm whisper had caught you by surprise.

“Doflamingo said you’re here for me”, the boy clutched the side of his trousers, his gaze penetrating you. His big white hat threw a shadow over his face

“What…?”, you blinked and moved to sit on your bed. The boy watched you carefully.

“Who are you?”, you asked. What was a child doing here? Was it his? They didn’t seem to share a lot of physical similarities.

“My name is Law and you are a healer, aren’t you? Not only a doctor, but a healer”, the boy approached you slowly without any emotion on his puerile features. He looked too small and too young for those kinds of questions.

“Yes, I am a healer…”, the boy moved around the bed and was almost standing in front of you, “…but I need you to stop right there, Law.”

Surprisingly, the boy haltered immediately. His tiny hands moved inside his pockets.

“I’m a child”, he whispered, “Why are you afraid?”, you gulped as he raised his head and revealed those big silver eyes hatefully staring into yours. You couldn’t remember ever witnessing such a strong emotion on a child’s face. However, you remembered those white spots. A memory, which made your face go blank and your paled hands shake.

_They had called you too late. Every citizen, every animal and every child was already dead. Those who survived until your arrival died peacefully in your arms. The grounds of Flevance resembled a battlefield – bodies were scattered like ashes, names thrown away like trash. You hold onto the young girl covered in giant white spots while desperately trying to hold in the tears. You were still in training, but you could have helped. Even if it meant to save just one life. Just one. Then those people wouldn’t be forgotten, and their once joyful lives could remain a precious memory to someone alone in the world._

_There he was – your little glistering flame of redemption._

“Is it because of my face….of my illness?”, he asked between his teeth. You shook your head.

“No, an Amber Lead poisoning is hardly a threat to me. It’s the fact, that you could freely walk into this room without Doflamingo finding out”, you managed to maintain a calm voice as your interest for this boy overcame your fear. His eyes grew wide and he instinctively wanted to step closer to you, already raising his little foot when he suddenly remembered the line you had drawn.

You watched him puff his cheeks: “You didn’t do anything wrong, so I won’t harm you”, he explained, “I just wanted to finally see you. Doflamingo keeps talking about you, but nobody from the family is allowed to enter your room except Giolla.  That is pissing me of!”.

The little boy balled his hands into fist and averted his eyes. In this moment you realized, that he truly was just a little boy no matter how dangerous or powerful hew might be. You pattered the mattress, gesturing him to sit next to you on the bed and he immediately complied. You eyed him curiously as he tried to climb on the bed, which was obviously too high for his tiny figure. When he finally managed to sit properly, his big silver eyes shifted to yours.

“Can you heal me?”, he asked apathetically, and you somehow knew, that he wasn’t expecting anything but a _No_. When you didn’t answer, he averted his eyes.

“Cora-san said you’re the only hope”, he muttered under his breath. Your heart clenched at that sight and you had to contain yourself to not hug him against you, but you had to evaluate your chances carefully. This boy could on the other hand be your last hope to get out of Doflamingo’s hands. If his real reason of you being here was to heal Law, then you could possibly hold this against him. If Law was in favour of you, you could even escape. If you played your cards just right, you would be free – something you didn’t imagine to be ever again. Yet, the probability of Law being a pawn in Doflamingo’s plan was higher.

“Yes, I can”, you answered, and the boy’s eyes shifted to yours instantly, “…but why should I trust you, Law? I’m a prisoner after all”.

“You’re not my prisoner, I didn’t bring you here! If I would plan to harm you, I wouldn’t give you this!”, Law fished out a small key from his right pocket and placed it into your palm.

“What does it open?”, you asked while eying it suspiciously.

“The collar”, your heartbeat stopped and for a moment you thought it wouldn’t start beating again. Could he be trusted after all?

“But I’m not doing that for free. Cora-san suggested that. I won’t tell anybody about how _you_ stole the key from Giolla if you heal me!”

Oh! That was what he was planning. Sneaky child. You made a mental note to never try to cross paths with this _Cora-san_.

You closed your hand and put the key under the lamp on your nightstand. Doflamingo was going to come back eventually and he would notice if your collar wasn’t closed properly, so it was better if it was hidden until a better point of time.

You turned to the little boy and slowly put both of your hands on either side of his face.

“Let me take a look at you, Law”, you whispered before closing your eyes, “You will feel something strange, but it won’t hurt, I promise.”

“I’m not afraid of pain”, he scoffed before closing his eyes as well and relaxing onto your hands. You let your energy flow through your body before accumulating in your hands. The light illuminated the whole room, hiding you from curious glances from outside the window. Law sighted and leaned into you a little bit more. His big hat slit to the side and revealed dark strands of messy hair waving in the gentle wind your light created while being sucked into his body. His hands let go of his pants and fell to his side. The dark rings under his eyes seemed to disappear with every second. Your light was healing him already. Differently, but it did. If you had watched him at this moment, you would have seen his peaceful slumber. _A peacefulness he will never feel again._

After a few minutes you withdrew your hands, your light already long extinguished. Law growled, but reluctantly sat upright.

“How much time do I have left?”, he asked while watching the birds outside the window. When you didn’t answer, he furrowed his eyebrows and eventually looked up.

You didn’t need to say a word, as he watched your eyes narrow and observing him with your hardened orbs. His mouth set to a hard line.

_It was just like back then, your hope slowly fading further away. Another life taken by the bitterness of destiny. You wanted to save him, but it didn’t give you the chance to begin with._

“Three days at best”, you muttered. Law nodded and didn’t say anything for a moment. He sighted.

“…So, you can’t heal me. I’m already dead, aren’t I?”

“No…no, I might”, you bit your lip, “I might be able to heal you.”

There was no way you could let a child die. An innocent life should never be in between your Anger. You just weren’t sure if you weren’t too late at this point.

Law stared at you and you couldn’t pinpoint the expression on his face. Was he expecting something from you? Hope? Certainty? You couldn’t promise, what you couldn’t hold. The boy then stood up from the bed and turned his back to you, his little hands disappeared inside his pockets.

“I must go. Doflamingo will surly wake up any moment”, he said while approaching the door.

“If you want to live Law, I have to start immediately. Come back as soon as possible”, Law nodded and disappeared behind the door, leaving you alone in your room.

You didn’t have a plan. You had to save the boy at all costs, but it could mean to give Doflamingo what he wanted from the very start. You weren’t ready do decide.

 

_You never were._

 

 

Law didn’t return. You eventually grew tired of watching the door while waiting for his small from to enter and so you grabbed a book about curative medicine with which Giolla had provided you before taking your seat on the windowsill.

As long as Law’s body produced enough healthy cells, you could heal every internal injury or infect. Genes on the other hand were more difficult. You had to replace damaged nucleotides, restructure the helix, avoid mismatches and dissolving hydrogen bonds. Those were highly time-consuming processes – time neither you nor Law had.

Unfortunately, the books didn’t enlighten you any further either, there was no method to shorten the process. If Law didn’t appear now, your hands were tied completely.

Just when you were about to throw the damn book out of the window, the door to your room opened.

“(Y/n)…”, your head snapped to Law’s small form, your eyes observing him carefully.

“Where were you?!”, you scoffed and stood up before approaching him with steady steps. He quickly averted his eyes as you grew closer.

“I…couldn’t…I …had a lot to do”, he stammered, but you payed no heed to his words. You took his hands and guided him to the bed.

He took of his heat, revealing his short black locks you happened to find so adorable. Your fingers automatically moved to run through them. Law grumbled when he felt them and frowned at your outstretched arm.

“It doesn’t matter. We have to do this now, Law”, the boy nodded and laid down, something akin to sorrow glistering in his eyes. _Hidden tears you mistook for grief and longing for finally being able to live._

“It won’t hurt. You will be conscious all the time unless you fall asleep”, you positioned your hands on his torso, your fingertips just hovering above his heart.

“Don’t be afraid”, he nodded again and closed his eyes as the warm light emitted from your body, blinding both of you and excluding the world from this very moment. His body immediately relaxed when the light started to seep into his skin. His face however remained restless.

As minutes passed by, Law didn’t seem to give in completely. You peeled one eye open and smiled at him.

“Tell me something. Tell me about this Cora-san”, you suggested. Your voice was already cracking, the light sucking your own energy away and making every fibre of your body ache.

 

_Rosinante. Too bad you never knew how to call him._

_He couldn’t save you. Neither could you._

_Neither could Law._

_Neither could anybody._

“Cora-san…?”, the blackhead furrowed his eyebrows, “He is….good, I guess. He is not like Doflamingo even though they are brothers, but…”, he lifted is right arm and covered his eyes, shakily burying them in its crook. The new information didn’t sit well with you as you couldn’t evaluate the truth of his words. What does “good” mean for someone who lives with a man who seemed to have abolished its definition from his mind?

You waited for Law to speak again, but the boy remained silent with half his face buried in the crook of his arm. You wondered what had gotten into him, but you decided to say nothing as your light proceeded to heal his fragile body. You closed your eyes again and focused on extracting the infected bases and genes without damaging the helix. You felt him shift underneath you, but you were to focused to open your eyes.

 

_“I have to leave”._

Your light was suddenly withdrawing back to your body as the connection between you and Law vanished.

“What?! Where are you going? Law?”, you blinked surprised as the boy sprinted to the doorway, your voice not even reaching him anymore. You stood up and approached the door Law hadn’t shut behind him, your mind playing with the thought of going after him. Due to the disruption of the healing process you weren’t sure how it would affect him. You never experienced an interruption before, since you mostly managed to heal everything in a range of a couple hours. The modification and extraction of DNA however, was again different and could took several days to accomplish. You hoped his sudden departure hadn’t damaged the helix, but you couldn’t be sure. You had to go after him.

However, you didn’t manage to go as far as a few steps until you saw Doflamingo lean against the wall with his arms crossed in front of him and one leg in front of the other while silently watching you emerge from the room opposite to him. His head was tilted towards the wall and a smirk you knew oh-so well laid upon his lips.

“Hello, (Y/n)”, his silky voice filled the silence between you both and you couldn’t hide a cold shiver running down your spine when you saw his long tongue slide over his upper lip.

He chuckled darkly when he saw you glaring at him without backing away.

“Fufufufu, why is a little defenceless girl leaving her save shelter? The world outside is quite destructive, you know.”

“Save your mockery, I’m sick of playing your games!”, you balled your hands to fists as you approached him, “I know he ran because of you!”.

“Oh?”, the blond man snickered, tilting his head to the other side, “No beating around the bush then! That boy will die”, your feet stopped right in front of him, your eyes too far away from his own.

“Is this the method you mentioned earlier? The method to break me?”, your teeth were firmly pressed against each other as you almost spitted your words towards him, “Using an innocent child against me?”.

“Fufufu, I’m impressed, I expected you to fall for it, but I have to object to the innocent part. There is no innocence left in my house”, he snickered without moving or averting his covered eyes, “…or is it?”, he whispered inaudibly.

You firmly shook your head: “No matter what you’ve done, a child’s nature can never be corrupted!”.

Doflamingo suddenly raised his arm and effortlessly closed the distance between you. You didn’t avoid his fingertips tracing your jaw line nor his thumb caressing the corner of your lips, you just glared at the spot your eyes could reach without breaking your neck.

“If you speak I will let you save him”, he snickered, cupping your cheeks in his hand.

“I refuse to believe you!”, you hissed back, grabbing his wrist and forcing his hand to let go of you, “He must have some sort of value to you. At least he seems important to your brother, and according to that Giolla you value your family above everything else!”

He was suddenly leaning over you, his mouth next to your ear while his lips lightly caressed the smooth texture of your skin. You shivered when you felt his lips move.

“My, your smell is… _vertiginous_ ”, he breathed as he buried his nose into your hair _“_ …too bad, that you’re resisting me, because I found myself craving something I never expected to crave”, his long fingers ran through the lock of your hair as he moved away, his grin unwavering.

 “Watch him die then, my dear”, he snickered as he turned away.

You didn’t want to believe him, but his words and his actions always coincided – at least when he believed to be capable of handling the problem. What was he like if he didn’t? Would he lie? Your mind screamed yes, but how could you be certain? The first time you listened and refused to give in, he killed hundreds of innocent people.  People, who made their own choice and were ready to kill or be killed. Law was an innocent child. What about him?

“Give me another day”, your voice was almost a whisper when the words left your lips. You swiftly walked a few steps towards him, your wandering mind recalling the way his fingers danced over your skin.

There had to be a way.

“Please, let me heal him”, you reached for his arm, slowly tucking at the hem of his pink suit while making sure to put enough pressure on his arm for him to feel your skin.

Something about touching him unnerved you, but as soon as his muscles tensed underneath your fingers, you found yourself believing for your approach to succeed. Yet, when he inclined his head to look at you over his shoulder, you had to bite your bottom lip as a sense of vulnerability sunk into you. It started to frighten you how you could never tell what he was thinking when he was looking at you like that.

“What would I gain from such a futile action?”, he asked casually as your fingers curled deeper into his suit.

Could you sacrifice an innocent child for the sake of keeping the secret your master had confined to you? The master who had sent you to your misery, forsaken you to this mad man standing in front of you? Even if the pain was deeply rooted in your mind and your heart ached every time you thought about giving in, you had to consider a truly bigger picture than your life.

“Nothing you asked for”, you muttered, suddenly feeling dizzy and faint. Your world seemed to narrow in a blink of an eye, pushing you away from its save shell of clarity. Nothing made sense anymore.

“Something different then?”, he asked, a reserved interest hiding in the edge of his voice, “…, but I thought I made myself clear…”, the blond man chuckled, before continuing his steps further along the corridor and away from you. Your hand slid down numbly as you watched his retreating back.

Despair coated your lungs as the cruelty of his words dawned to you. He wouldn’t let you, he forced you to choose.

As if he had burned you, you spun around and ran back into your room, forcefully closing the door at the same time. Your eyes were wide, but your face manged to regain some kind of strength you always seemed to lose when he appeared next to you. Determination.

With long hasty steps you strode to your nightstand before lifting the lamp from its habitual position and grabbing the key Law had given you the night before. You eyed it for a second.

_There was no other way._

 

 

You waited until the sun had set long enough, until the voices behind your door disappeared and until you felt him stop moving from somewhere above you. Your suppressed Haki had returned. You could finally make out all the different presences in your vicinity. He had always been near you, you knew that. His energy accumulated somewhere on a floor above you. Unmoving. Resting.

He was asleep.

Now. There was no turning back.

You carefully opened the door, your eyes shifted across the big corridor, making sure no one saw you, before leaving your room with hasty steps. Your legs shook with every centimeter you got closer to him, your left hand slit across the grey walls to assure you didn’t stumble over your own moving feet. It didn’t take long to reach the end of the corridor. Pressing your back tightly against the wall, you inched your way over, peeking out from around the corner. You bit your lip when you saw a big staircase leading to the next floor at the end of the hallway. The knot in your stomach didn’t seem to unwind, but you continued your way nevertheless.

Your Haki began to alarm you when you reached the stairs, screaming at you to withdraw. Your body felt the tremendous difference in strength and it tried to kick in some of the last survival instincts left in your body.

But you didn’t listen. After all, when hadn’t you thrown yourself into death traps?

There was one big door at the end of the stairs with his presence lingering behind it. You suppressed your energy when you slowly opened his door with your hand, your back pressed against the wall next to it.

The room was coated in darkness. Your eyes took a moment to adjust to it before you could finally make out some outlines. His pretentious bed was positioned on the left side of the room. There were books and cloths scattered around it, but his sheets and covers were left untouched. You furrowed your eyebrows and opened the door wider, your feet slowly carrying you inside.

Even though his room was bigger than everything you had ever seen, it was surprisingly assessable without any unnecessary furniture. The bed was the only thing standing out with a large white-ish carpet almost covering the whole floor.

The soft moonlight shining through the big leadlight windows didn’t even reach you, resulting in the darkness being able to swallow your small form completely. You felt your heartbeat accelerating in your chest, your fingers trembled uncontrollably with your knuckles already turning white from your firm grip around the paper knife.

 

_If you won’t safe him…I have to take you away!_

You spotted him sitting on the windowsill. His hands were folded on his stomach, his one leg was cocked, the other one stretched out. His face was covered with a book laying on top of it. His glasses laid on the side table next to the window.

 

_You made me do this!_

You saw his chest softly raising and sinking underneath his folded hands, his silent slumber making him unaware of your presence. Fighting against your instincts to run, you began to slowly approach him.

 

_You forced me…_

Your grip on the knife tightened, your jaw clenched when your teeth pressed against each other. You had to remind yourself to breath. Every cell in your body refused to accept the situation. You valued life above everything else -  you vowed to protect it. Every struggle you went through, every hope you had and every dream you treasured would be thrown away, abandoned by forlornness.

 

_Why do you have to exist?!_

 

Your trembling legs carried you closer to him. All you heard was your rapid heartbeat, your mind was blank, and you were afraid of the sound of your heavy breathing waking him. 

It was not only because of that boy. It was not even because he held you captive. It was because of him. He was reminding you of the true colours of this world. Of society.

 

_There will never be peace with kinds of you. You are destroying it._

You looked down upon his covered face, eyes narrowed with tears and lips trembling in despair. No, your teacher didn’t know. No one did. He had doomed your life with the first glace he took at you.

 

_It’s me against you, Doflamingo, but I take the blow for the sake of the future. A future I wish for Law to see._

 

You raised your arm above your head and let the knife lash through the air towards his exposed neck. You heard the air hiss under the sharp blade and you swiftly closed your eyes as the tip of the blade touched the skin of his neck -

You suddenly felt something wrap around your wrist and you instantly opened your eyes, looking down at him. His face was still covered with the book, but his hand was preventing you to dig your blade any deeper.

Your lips let out a small hiss when his grip on you tightened, squeezing you to the point you felt your blood not being able to leave.

Glaring down at his still regularly breathing figure, neither of you bothered to speak. You just vacantly stood there, your hand still firmly around the paper knife as if waiting for him to let you slash open his throat.

It felt so long until you finally felt his chest tremble, a slight chuckle filling the air between you and echoing through the whole room. You placed your other hand around the one holding the knife and pressed harder down against him, desperately trying to reach his throat, but he held you off effortlessly.

“You are too predictable…”, he snickered, his voice muffled by the book, “...like watching a flower bloom in spring”, you watched his other hand reach out for his glasses and you took the chance to kick the table to the side. The glasses dropped to the ground and skid across the marble floor to the other side of the room. His arm stopped mid-air as your action took him off guard, so you suddenly angled the blade towards you and forcefully slid the tip of the blade against his wrist.

He growled, jerking his hand away from you and lifting himself up. Before he could place the book aside, you slid the blade across his upper thigh, his blood immediately soaked into the pink fabric.

“What have you done to the blade?!”, he hissed, grabbing your wrist again and shoving you against the wall, his eyes shut closed.

You let out a small shriek when his hand found your throat. You instinctively guided your light toward your knee and kicked him in his gut. He let go of you, clenching his upper body and stepping away from you.

“ ** _What have you done?!”,_** he roared, anger and confusion seeping through his deep voice.

You didn’t let him time to think as you swiftly darted toward him, slashing across his arms as he lifted them to protected himself. His weakened armament Haki prevented the knife to dig into the skin, but you already were next to him, placing your foot behind his as he moved away from you.

His large body collided with the floor with a loud thud and you immediately straddled him, holding the knife with both of your hands just above his neck.  _There he was._

“Dizziness? Limp limbs? Shiftless? Numbness!?”, you breathed through clenched teeth, “I coated the blade with my light. It seeped into your body and is sedating you from the inside”, you lifted your gaze to his closed eyes, observing his face without his glasses for the very first time.

The blond grit his teeth, unable to move any further. You chuckled.

“You are against everything I believe in, Doflamingo”, you muttered, and you watched his mouth set to a hard line, “…and that it why I have to take you away from this world. This is why I have to kill you…”, you gulped as you positioned the blade properly.

“I hope, you will forgive me”, you whispered. His chest vibrated underneath you, his laughter filling your ears seconds after.

“Fufufufufu, forgive you? (y/n), you are so….”

 

“…predictable”, your eyes widened when you felt something sharp press against your back, your body unable to move itself.

“…what?”, your hands released the blade on their own and your body stood up without your consent. You moved your eyes to watch the blond figure on the floor dissolve into thousands of tiny strings

_You lost._

You felt his breath against the back of your neck. Closing your eyes, you let his strings take over your body completely.

 

_You were lost again._

“You are not quite what I had expected, my little flower”, he snickered, “you told me you couldn’t fight, but here you are, almost managing my clone. But let’s talk business, shall we?”

The darkness of the room swallowed your small form completely. Your erratic breathing filled the dry air. He was now circling you, his arms behind his back and mouth set to a hard line.

“I find myself not fulfilling my standards anymore”, he whispered, his voice suddenly low and dark, “…but I won’t tolerate it much longer. I give you one last chance to speak voluntarily or I will force the words out of you”.

“I won’t tell you anything”, you said quietly, voice unmoved. You knew what was coming - you knew it all along, but despair kept you from realizing it. You had accepted your fate.

Doflamingo stopped right behind you, the warmth of his unharmed body reaching for your cold quivering skin. You squinted your eyes shut, not wanting to watch him any longer. A dangerous silence engulfed him as his hands shut forward and grabbed your upper arms without hurting you. His right thumb drew small circles upon your skin.

“Is your devil fruit the Op-Op no Mi?”

“I won’t tell you.”

“Can you grant immortality?”

“I won’t tell you.”

“…Who is that teacher of yours?”

“…I will never tell you.”

His hand grabbed your hair, forcefully bending you over the bed and pressing your face into the mattress. You hissed when he placed himself over you, tilting your face to the side so his mouth could reach your ear.

“Pity”, he breathed huskily, before sliding his hand under your gown and forcefully tearing your pants from your body.

Your cry was muffled by the bed sheets, his fingers dug into your skin as his tongue ravished your neck. He pressed himself against you and you felt him harden. His other hand moved underneath your top and opened your bra. Your fingers clenched into the sheets, tears already soaking into them.

“I gave you more than enough chances, little flower”, he breathed against you while squeezing your breast with his hand. His teeth were ripping into your flesh, abandoning the almost gentle caress from before. Marking you. _Tainting_ _you_.

“Spread your legs”, he ordered.

You whimpered as tears continued to run down your cheeks and into the mattress below, but you did like he said.

He tore away your top and pressed your head down again, his eyes now running across your naked form.

“Now…I’m really eager to find out…”, his long tongue slid over his lips, “…what kind of _innocence_ you meant before”.

His fingers moved to you small bundle of nerves, slowly drawing small circles while carefully observing you burying your face deeper into the mattress with a gasp.

His chuckle grew louder when he noticed your legs tremble and pressed his chest against your back.

“Interesting”, he whispered into your ear, before adding a second finger.

Your body was betraying you – under all your hate and hopelessness, you almost found yourself waiting for him to do more.  You lifted your head to look outside the window. It was still dark outside, but the moon illuminated the sky and the stars were scattered across it like all those fireflies you remembered to love so long ago. You had truly given up – the thought sank deep into you and you couldn’t restrain the tears anymore. You couldn’t change the world. Your tiny whisper of a voice couldn’t reach far enough.

He ground against you, his hardened member inevitably making you shiver. With his pants gradually sinking lower, he moved his fingers to your entrance while teasingly kissing down your exposed back.

You cried out when he entered them fluently, the imposed movement completely stealing away the last ounce of your remaining strength.  You were losing the control over your body.

“How does it feel, hm?”, he began moving his fingers inside of you. They were prodding, resisting, and you began struggling against him.  _Don’t break. Don’t break!_

“I’m about to take everything away from you, little flower”, his lips were caressing your cheek as he pulled your head up by your hair, “…are you still persisting on keeping your mouth shut?!”

He tilted your head to the side, pressing his warm lips against yours, lightly nudging your bottom lip. You tried to withdraw from his merciless grip, but he kept you against him, devouring every little piece offered to him. Every time you tried to turn away, his grip on your hair forcefully moved you back. He was suffocating you. You didn’t believe it to be an interrogation cause only. No. There was something buried deep inside of him and it was threatening to emerge to the surface. Oh, how it frightened you.

When his tongue slid over you lip as if in customary asking for your permission to enter, you bit down on it as hard as possible. Doflamingo hissed, throwing your head back by your hair.

“You are only making it harder for you and me, (y/n)”, he whispered against your jugular, “…still nothing to say, hm?”

“ _Please…”_ , you felt his grin spread against his lips as your broken words left your raspy throat.

“Let me guess – it’s mercy you want?”, he snickered. You gulped as his tongue darted over your skin.

“ _No._ ”

You raised your head against his hold, causing him to withdraw from your neck before lifting yourself up to your hands. He was still pressing hard against you, but he removed the weight of his chest from your back. You panted for breath as you fought for words.

_“Please…!”,_ you repeated hoarsely, _“…let me heal that boy_!”.

“…”

Doflamingo starred down at you, his smirk fading away from his lips. He watched your blistering eyes look up to him with a determination and unreasonable hope that he found himself sink deeper into those colourful orbs. It was pathetic, really. Her demand. Her hope. Hadn’t he broken her already?

“I do not comprehend this affection you seem to share with that brat. You’re on the brim of being raped and the only thing that comes to your mind is _that boy_?”, his hand moved to his hair, fingers burying inside them. His voice had become gruff. Confused.

“Do you call it loyalty, girl? Or consistency? There are hundreds of people dying out there daily, what is your concern with just _one_ boy!?”, he roared.

The corners of your lips lifted slightly, and your eyes softened for a very second. He fell into them again.

“That’s the point…”, you smiled, “…It is one life I can safe. One life I can reach in my short period of time on earth. No one expects you to save all. No one can. No one will. But one life will write the future. After all, if you save all but one, you will mourn for that one for the rest of your life, but if you know you only have the chance to save one life …you just do. _Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.”_

You closed your eyes, unable to look at him any further: “I have forsaken so many because of you”, you sniffed, “I won’t let this happen to anyone anymore”.

You buried your face in the sheets, ready for him to destroy you completely, but he remained unmoved against you.

It wasn’t until you felt his strings creeping up your spine towards your neck, wrapping themselves around you. Surprisingly, they didn’t hurt you.

“One life, indeed”, you heard him whisper, “Sleep well.”

You felt your eyes flatter shut with his words and your body sinking into the mattress. Something warm covered your naked body, and you figured it was him putting his pink coat over you.

But that was the last thing you remembered.

 

 

You woke up with the thought of rain piercing in through the window. Something wet dripped down your face, but you were too tired to open your eyes, let alone move your head.

“- _Sorry, I’m so sorry_ ”, your ears finally registered the faint voice coming from somewhere next to you. You heard a chair crack as if someone was rocking back and forth.

“ _I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Forgive me, forgive me_!”, the voice cried silently. Something wet was dripping on your cheek again, muffled sniffs became louder.

“ _If I knew…If I knew_ …”, you peeked one eyes open with every strength left in your body and looked up to a blond man sitting in front of your bed with his hands deep inside his blond locks, head bowed to your face.

“ _If I had only known, I wouldn’t have let him…I wouldn’t have let this happen to you_!”, he cried.

 

_It hadn’t been the night Doflamingo almost forced himself upon you. It hadn’t been the betrayal of the child. It hadn’t even been Doflamingo himself._

_The silent tears this unknown man cried for you when no one seemed to be on you side anymore, the thousand apologies he uttered like prayers to the wind, the broken voice, his pained expression… It was a stranger, who took your hands and pressed them against his forehead. Feeling for you, when you couldn’t anymore. The only one who cared about you, who pitied you._

_The expression on that man’s face. His words. His heart._

_That was, what broke your soul._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was sitting unfinished on my computer for way too long, I apologize. I posted it as soon as I finished it, so I didn't bother to read through it a second time. I might do this sometime later, though.  
> I don't thing I will be able to post Chapter. 5 until July due to university, but I can at least leave a few hints...Let's say we see Doflamingo shift in nature over time and then move back shortly for to the present!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Until the next time.
> 
> P.S: Oh! The quote in the title and somewhere at the end of the chapter is from Schindler's list :)


	5. When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow

The silent patter of the rain against the solid metal framework was the only source of life your ears had experienced for the past two days. The sound of silence had become the only shelter away from your fear.

A fear he had relentlessly implanted into you; fear you couldn’t comprehend.  The weight of his promise brought you to the edge of breaking. _Oh, he was always so good at it._

He was coming for you. It was the tingling sensation on your skin, the way your hair stood up every time you stepped outside, the way your heart raced so rapidly that you thought it tried to escape. The subtle cold around you.  The sadness.

You felt his presence from afar.

Yet, you were as far away from his reach as possible, his chances of finding you as little to none. Why were you doubting it? Just what had he done to you in those crucial minutes in Impel Down? Whatever he did, you couldn’t let him cause so much damage again.

The silence comforted you as it told you that he wasn’t here. You were alone.

Sometimes, however, you weren’t.

You swiftly hugged your bare upper arms, when you heard your front door opening. You didn’t turn away from the window, not even when the door was closed shut again and a big figure stepped inside your room.

His light footsteps became heavier as he slowly approached you, until stopping just in front of your back. You closed your eyes, feeling the warmth radiating from his chest.

“(Y/n)-ya”, his voice reached out to your sanity and grasped it tightly. You sighed before you forced yourself to take a deep breath to stop yourself from trembling.

“(Y/n)-ya…”, his voice tugged you back into reality, “…it’s time, come on”.

You turned your head to the side and opened your eyes. Law’s mouth was set to a hard line, raindrops still dropping from his eyelashes, from his bangs, from the tip of his nose. He was soaking. He must have been outside your door for some time now. 

“I don’t think there is anything you can do, Law”, you voice cracked as you tried to read his expression.

“There is”, he grabbed your arm and forced you to turn around completely, “get your stuff now, we talked about this”.

“No, we talked about me moving _here…_ ”, you pointed at the floor, “…not about leaving again”.

“I know, but I have my reasons to move you. Don’t tell me you want to stay here forever!”

“You mean, it’s not save here anymore?”, you scoffed and pushed his hand away. Law grimaced as you moved back to the window.

“Anything you’ll do is too late now”, you whispered.

You gasped as the black-haired growled and forcefully turned you to him again, his hands tightly around your shoulders.

“I won’t let anything happen to you!”, he growled between his teeth, “I lost Cora-san…I won’t lose you too!”.

His tight grasp became almost painful as you tried to comprehend his words.

“You said he won’t find me…“.

“He won’t-“.

“Law…you want me to leave the G-5 base, the only place he wouldn’t be able to set foot on unnoticed. If he can do that, whatever the place is you want me to go next, he will find me.”

Law grit his teeth, his small eyes burning holes in yours. You wanted him to tell you otherwise, you even expected him to. His voiceless admission terrified you. You couldn’t hold back your tears anymore.

“What happened?”, you asked, your voice almost inaudible. He watched the tears emerge from your wide eyes and gently roll down your cheek.

He released your shoulders and opened his coat, his hand diving into the inner pocket to pull out a crumpled-up newspaper.

“Read it”, you quickly unfolded it, bringing it close to your face. It was from yesterday, the headline told you what had happed just ten hours after you left.

 

Law watched your whole body begin to tremble silently, your hands too weak to hold the paper anymore. He took a step towards you and wrapped his arms around your body while resting his forehead on top of your hair. His fingers buried in your soft strands as your tears sucked trough the fabric of his coat.

“…I won’t lose you too!”.

 

_“Former Shichibukai Donquixote Doflamingo escapes from Impel Down”_

* * *

 

Everything after that night had been a blurry mess inside your head. You couldn’t quite remember what had happened to Law or why you had laid unharmed under the covers of your bed.  Yet, there were raging voices at the back of your mind which forced you to try to remember.

Those voices were attacking, even fighting each other - but you couldn’t remember whom they belonged to. One of them, however, had screamed and begged the other to stop. You weren’t alone, but Doflamingo even took those away you never knew.

Even your own voice. After that night, it was incredibly hard for you to speak. The broken state of your soul had almost made your voice lapse into silence.

You remembered seeing him sitting on the windowsill when you woke up. A weird grin had laid upon his lips, his head turned towards the window.

You had quickly closed your eyes and hoped that he hadn’t noticed you, but his dark chuckle had reached your ears just seconds after.

 _“Fufufu, no need to pretend, girl. I won’t harm you now”,_ he had said, before turning to you.

You couldn’t quite remember if you believed him then, but you knew there was no use in setting at defiance.

Doflamingo had got up from his seat and approached your bed, the light shining through the windows behind him causing his big shadow to fall over you.

 _“I spared you yesterday, girl”, he grinned, “don’t think I will do it again”_ , he sat on the corner beside you and crossed his legs.

 

_“I will approach this situation differently now”, he had said._

 

_It was only now that you realized what he had meant back then. His silent approach on getting you to trust him, to turn you into one of his men - his patiently executed plan; it was so clear now. How foolish you were._

_How foolish you are._

 

He took you outside that day. For the very first time, you were allowed to leave your room and stroll around the garden. You embraced the wonderful smell of the various flowers, embraced the wind blowing through your hair and embraced the deep blue sky above you. A little bit of freedom.

He was always behind you, never leaving you alone for a second, but you took the little he gave nevertheless. You remembered his piercing stare behind those glasses, that smug grin upon his lips as if he knew he would take all that back eventually.

 _“Feel free to come here whenever you want”_ , he had said when you strolled farther away from him, “ _This is the only beautiful place on this island_ ”.

“How long are you going to keep playing this game?”, you glared while your fingers still caressed the pink rose pattern.

He had chuckled and turned away and you felt like a child having asked a dumb question in school.

_A question he never cared to answer. Of course, it was part of his plan. His damn plan. A plan you knew had worked and threw you into the abyss you spent years to climb back up._

“ _There is one more thing_ …”, you watched him lift his right hand from inside his pocket with a small folded paper in between his fingers, “ _there is a hospital on this island and they are desperately seeking new doctors….so, if you’d like”,_ Doflamingo chuckled and your eyes widened for a second.

“What is that?”, you asked while glaring at his back.

“ _Find out yourself”,_ he chuckled again. You eyed it suspiciously.

“No thank you. I don’t believe you”.

 _“Pity_ ”, he started to move away with his hands inside his pockets, _“I believed you asked to help that brat_ ”.

Your head had swiftly turned to him and he stopped in his moves.

“Tell me you’re not lying…”, you whispered.

“I’m not.”

“Why then?!”

“Oh my…”, he had turned to you halfway and you saw your reflection glaring at you from the safe surface of his glasses, “…is it a sin to gift a beautiful woman something she desires?”.

His smirk shifted into something more sinister. _Maybe it was the darkness which made you stay._

When you didn’t answer, he let the paper fall to the ground.

“Well, obviously it is. I think this was enough. Come inside now, little flower”.

You clenched your teeth but did as told. You had learned to move when he did since the collar around your neck tingled dangerously when he moved before you did. Every time you passed his waiting figure you felt his gaze resting on you - caging you with it’s intensity. As if the room he kept you inside wasn’t enough.

 

_Like everything you had given him. He always wanted the one thing you refused to give him until the very end._

 

 

 

When morning eventually came, you had immediately run outside. You remembered that sleepless night of wondering about the truth of his words, of evaluating the risk. It always had been the same questions, but your sanity did not accept anymore losses. This time, you had to insist.

You had sunken onto your knees and had begun searching for the little paper inside the grass. When it was nowhere to be seen, you moved to the flowerbeds.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit”, you had cursed. The sun was barely up. Your vision was affected by the lack of sunlight and the ground was still wet from the early morning dew.

 _“Mrs (y/n)”,_ startled by the unknown voice, your head jerked to the side with your eyes wide upon. Smoothly polished shoes made its way towards you. Your eyes moved to the darker skinned man in the suit.

That was the first time you met Senor Pink.

Of course, Doflamingo had known your actions from the start – everything he had done so far was predicting you. Your inability to defy yourself made you sick

Senor Pink had told you, that he would escort you to the hospital while handing you the smoothly folded paper. You didn’t trust him at first, but you followed him when he told you, that Doflamingo strictly instructed him to. When you had asked about the collar, he had shaken his head and told you there wasn’t a problem as long as there was someone of the family accompanying you. You didn’t question who he was, you simply didn’t care. You wanted to remedy the broken state of your with letting innocent lives blossom through the ages of war.

He had handed you a scarf as well. You had to cover the collar when you passed the city. It was strange to see so many faces after many nights of isolation. Ordinary life was passing you by and you didn’t have the courage to scream for help nor the ability to run. He had warned you of course.

 _“If you try, the collar will explode, or we will kill you instantly”_ , he had said. Something deep within you longed to try, to change your currant state, but your heart refused to listen. After all, with your broken soul, your lost spirit and your shattered mind, your heart was the only thing which remained intact. There was no one else to listen to. So, you quietly moved behind him, head low and eyes averted from the crowed. Those happy faces made your heart heavy.

 

It wasn’t long until you reached the small hospital. The paper Doflamingo had given you contained a five-digit code to enter the back door. Senor pink took his leave shortly after speaking to one of the head physicians. He had warned you again and gave you his jacket.

 _“In case it will rain”,_ he had said.

_In the end, a big part of you blamed Doflamingo for what happed to him and his family.  Senor Pink was a well-mannered man and the one of the family you kind of liked. He had always taken care of you behind his apathetic manner and you appreciated his sense of tact. To know, that he was never on your side, that he would kill you if Doflamingo instructed him to started to bother you someday, but the loss he had to go through made him the most human to you. He broke the same way Doflamingo broke you. It was a silent pain you both had wittingly shared._

Doflamingo hadn’t lied about the children. Their grateful faces and happy smiles made you forget the things he did to you. They had quickly accepted you and the other doctors were relieved to have a skilled healer helping them out.

You spent most of the time healing wounded soldiers or severe illnesses, but once a day you made it to the paediatric ward to check on the orphans, baby’s and the other children. Sometimes you read them books or rocked them to sleep. Other times, you let them watch your light heal the wounds of their parents or animals they brought in.

Their innocence was like -a veil of smothering hope, which laid over the torn parts of your being. The only time you could forget for a moment. A resurrecting second.

Sometimes, that was enough.

 

 

Your escorts changed almost daily. At first, it was Senor Pink. Then it changed to the woman called Giolla, who you had already met before.

You preferred Senior Pink over her. She was pestering you constantly and you couldn’t comprehend her view of certain aspects, but you always wished her back when the other two were in charge of you.

Trebol was disgusting. He always annoyed you all the way to the hospital, but the sinister sneer he gave you every time your ways parted made you hold back. You knew that he was more than he showed to be, and you choose to avoid finding out more about him.

Diamante was different. You hated him - even despised him. He always seemed to look for insecurities in you to exploit while hovering over you like a ghost. He made you feel so small – not worthy of Doflamingos attention. He insulted you, mocked you, humiliating you without anyone to notice. It was his own personal enjoyment.

 _“Little flower…how sweet”,_ he spat out the strange nickname Doflamingo had given you, _“how about I rip away all of your remaining petals? Hm? What would you be then?”_ , he had mocked.

You tried to ignore him. The power he showed to have over you every time he demonstrated the imminent danger coming from the collar forced you to.

Yet, when he someday threatened to kill a child just to get on your nerves, you snapped. You flatted your hands and guided your light towards them before you slashed it across his throat. His laugher had faded away immediately as his hand wrapped itself around his throat to stop the bleeding. He had not expected your light to reach his height.

 

After that day, you barely saw him anymore and the escorts didn’t change for a long time. It was only after almost a month that you saw a figure in the garden waiting for you, that you haven’t seen before.

His face was hidden behind the shadow of his hat, his height and the sun behind him made it impossible for you to look up to him. It was only the eye-stinging smell of the cigarette telling you that wasn’t just a statue.

“Who are you?”, you had asked, but the stranger had remained silent. He turned away instead and started to head towards the exit of the garden.

 

_Columns of fire consumed the sky. You couldn’t breathe._

_Don’t! Don’t!_

_“(Y/N)! RUN! DON’T LOOK BACK, LEAVE ME HERE! RUN!”_

_“PLEASE, I CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU!”_

_“(Y/N)-“_

_“DON’T LEAVE US ALONE!”_

_“I WON’T!”_

_“PROMISE ME THIS!”_

_“WHY DON’T YOU JUST RUN?!”_

_“PROMISE ME!”_

_“I PRO-“_

He hadn’t spoken a word and you didn’t bother anyway. When you finally arrived, you didn’t spare him another glance and moved to open the door, but his large hand moved in front of your face, holding a piece of paper.

You dumbfoundedly glanced at it for second before eventually taking it, unfolding it quickly.

_“Thank you for Law”._

Wait.

You gasped and swiftly turned around, your eyes desperately searching for the stranger, but he was already gone.  Black burning feathers were the only thing he left behind.

That was the first time you met Corazon.

 

_He couldn’t save you either. He knew that. He knew from the very beginning._

_But…why?_

_Why…did he try after all?_

 

Doflamingo was never the one to escort you. Even thought he had allowed you to move freely around the manor, you didn’t try. There was too much unknown danger hidden behind every corner. He knew as much.

Your hatred for that man never ceased. The daily routine he had provided you with had started to daze you and you found yourself accepting your broken state. The pain would remain. The chasm inside of you. This was your life now.

 

Sometimes, you found him sitting on the couch in your room when you came back, the windows always wide open.

_“Did anything change?”, he would always ask before nipping on his wineglass._

_“Never”, you would answer._

_He would then try to casually lure you out of your defensive state, chit-chat, question you or even flirt. He never made the mistake of approaching you when you went to sleep and somehow you appreciated that he accepted your hate towards him._

_He didn’t force you anymore. At least in some way._

_“When are you going to let me leave?”, you had asked while skipping through the book you had started to read._

_He laughed and crossed his legs: “As soon as you talk, little flower”._

_“I’m not going to, you know that”._

_“Indeed…”, he made a small pause to nip on his wine again, “…but remember: You always had the chance”._

 

On other days, he was suddenly in one of your patient’s rooms, waiting for you. He never talked much but rather preferred to silently observe you.

You knew your light mesmerized him and you didn’t bother to hide it. You let him watch, since it was the only reason he let go of you back then.

He watched endless wounds close with just a single touch of you - teeth and limbs growing back in little time. There was always an analytical distance between him and the light.

Yet, one day he watched the children play with the little light orbs you had created, and you could swear that there was something akin to sadness resting upon his face. When one of the orbs had escaped the grasp of one of the children, it started to float towards him.

You had turned to face him, ready to tell him that you finished for the day, but you stopped when you saw his hand slowly stretch out, reaching for the small orb. It danced its way towards him and your eyes moved to watch his face.

It wasn’t just sadness. It was longing.

It somehow captivated you. The thought of him being something else than Doflamingo - but before you could sink any deeper into it, the orb extinguished before reaching his palm.

His arm remained stretched out and his fingers grasped the air in which the light had faded away and curled into a fist.

Silence engulfed the room.

The little thought inside your head had gotten solid ground to prosper. He was something else, your light managed to pull him out of the shadows in which he used to hide. Even if for a second. It was rare.

 

After that day, you’ve seen it just _once_ more.

 

You were almost ready to leave when you found him resting between the doorframe, silently watching you organize a pile of files. You averted your eyes, unable to look at him.

His grin spread wider when he noticed your efforts of ignoring him.

“Is this how you treat a patient?”, he had chuckled.

“You’re not a patient”.

“Oh my, I beg to differ”, he extended his right arm to reveal a wide gash running across his whole forearm. You didn’t have to look at it twice to know that it would most certainly become infected, if it remained untreated.

“I believe you can patch up yourself”, you growled and took off your medical coat.

“But I insist”.

Doflamingo moved to sit on the surgery couch and placed his long legs onto the desk, blocking your way in the process. His challenging gaze rested on you.

“I thought you preferred to watch”, you remarked plainly while positioning yourself next to him. He watched your hands hover above his arms before a string of light was sucked from his body and faded into your skin.

“Yes… It’s not enough anymore”.

He waited for you to continue, his covered eyes unable to let go of your hands. His face has lost all mockery.

The faint patter of the rain made it to you through the heavy silence inside the room. It was almost suffocating, but it gave you the courage to take a closer look at his face.

There it was again.

_Longing._

What did he long for? _Why should you care?_

Your hands moved without your consent, but it wasn’t his devil fruit forcing you. You let some sparks float through your fingers, until your light covered his arm like a milky veil.

No, you wanted to see his reaction.

His whole body tensed up when the light began to fade into his body, his fingers convulsed. You noticed his sudden ragged breathing and you panicked, thinking that you did something wrong. Just when you were about to remove his hands, his entire body relaxed, and he sunk deeper into the surgery couch. His head fell on the headrest, allowing you to catch a glimpse of his closed eyes behind his spectacle frame.

He looked human.

You couldn’t avert your eyes from him, your right hand automatically moved to tilt his glasses upwards. You wanted to see his eyes, you wanted him to be human. Somehow, you convinced yourself, it would make you feel better. After all, everything human was vulnerable.

Yet, before you could reach his face, his arm darted towards you and grasped your wrist, stopping your movement.

You hissed, panic rushed through your veins. Without thinking, your light withdrew from his body sunk into your hands. Your fingers moved over his, cutting him deeply and causing him to let go of you.

You stumbled back. What had just happened?!

Your hands rested on the small windowsill behind you while you tried to control your hitched breathing. Why did you do that?

As fear coated your lungs, your widened eyes searched for the blond man. You expected him to attack, to punish you, but he did nothing of that sort.

He still hadn’t moved from the chair, you didn’t even know if he had noticed you cutting him. He motionlessly watched you from behind his glasses, like he used to do so many times. Just…this time was different. You saw him.

His lips were set to a hard line as his eyes met yours – his glasses barely able to cover them.

In this moment, you understood what he longed for, why he longed for. Your light made him remember, made him see what he had forgotten so long ago.

 

Darkness.

 


	6. Hate The Sin, Love The Sinner

_Sometimes, Dreams were the only shelter you had. Somewhere your life still held a meaning. A place where you could rest your head, not caring about the danger of the world. Where trust was not an issue, where your fingers could still reach for the sky. An endless remedy. Yet, your broken mind chose to drag you back to the cell someone once called reality. Over and over again. Who was it to choose?!_

_You just wanted them to bring back the night, which shed light on your soul._

 

* * *

 

.

.

„Dine with me tomorrow”.

.

You looked up from the book laying in your lap and turned your head towards him. His feet were resting on top of the bedspread while he sat on the windowsill, his back pressed against the cold window.

“Why proposing if you force me either way?”, you asked, lowering your eyes back to skip over the pages.

“Oh my, it seems you don’t trust me enough”.

“I don’t trust you at all”.

The blond man snickered: “Wise choice, indeed”, his gaze fell on your book.

“I have a whole library for you to explore, why do you choose to dwell in your room?”, Doflamingo asked.

Your room. Surly, it was not. The walls around you were as strange as the man in front of you. The only place you could call familiar was the hospital. How eagerly you looked forward to escape there again.

“I don’t like your subordinates watching me”, you muttered apathetically. His lips hardened. Something about your answer didn’t suit him.

“Watch your tongue. They are family”, he removed his legs from your bed and moved to sit next to you instead. Your body tensed at his proximity. He saw it too.

“Little flower, you seem to have misunderstood”, his fingers moved to your chin and almost gently forced your face to meet his. Your hands dashed forward to break away, but his tightening grip advised you not to.

“Not trusting me is one thing…”, he began, voice dangerously deep, “…alleging me of atrociously punishing you is another. I have spared you. I went against my word.”, his thumb caressed the corner of your mouth and even through his covered eyes you saw him staring at your lips.

“I could have taken you back then. I could be deep inside you even now”, your eyes widened, and you tried to shift your body away from him to no avail. His fingers caged you. His deep chuckle numbed your ears, “…the only reason I’m not is because I _chose_ not to”.

His long fingers moved down the side of your neck before removing his hand and getting up from your bed.

“If I wanted you to wither, I would have crushed you already. I have given you more than you can imagine”, the blond man moved to the door, “Now bloom, little flower”, he snickered and left your room.

 

 

Having heard truth in his words, you decided to visit the library later this evening. You tiptoed your way to the big wooden door without coming across anyone of the family. 

_You had been there once before. Rain-soaked and shivering. Or was it blood? What had happened? Why didn’t you remember?_

You shook your head and opened the door before carefully sliding inside. The room was dim, but bright enough to see all the books lined up on the imposing tall shelves.

_Had you actually been here at all?_

The crackling sound of the chimney enticed you to take a seat on the armchair opposite to it. Feeling its velvet fabric underneath your skin made you relax. You sighed. Maybe it was time to accept your fate. To let go of your previous life. He wouldn’t let you go, even if you chose to speak. You weren’t stupid, you knew about his obsession with you. The way he looked at you, how his fingers twitched when he tried to restrain himself, how his wicked grin grew even wider. Doflamingo didn’t try to hide it. You just wished to find a way to control it.

Your gaze fell on the flaring flames. Just a thin layer of glass prevented them to reach the carpet. How odd it was to maintain a chimney in a library. Yet, you could imagine him sitting here, nipping on his wine, reading while the rain relentlessly poured against the windows and the warmth of the fire ousting the cold.

Shaking your head, you silently smiled to yourself. This image of him had something peaceful. How foolish of y-

Suddenly, you felt a hand cover your mouth from behind, pressing you into the back of the chair. You tried to scream, but no sound made it out of your throat.

“(Y/n), please listen to me and hold still for a second!”, not being able to recognize the foreign voice, you bit down as hard as you can.

“Arrgghhhhh!”, the hand was immediately gone from you sight and you took the chance to move away from the chimney before facing the intruder.

“What the-…Corazon?”

The blond man was bend over his hand with the other one pressed firmly against it while looking and you with pain deformed features: “…Sup (y/n)?”.

.

.

.

“So, he is alright?”, you moved to sit back on the floor as the light moved back into you body. Corazon suspiciously eyed his now healed hand and nodded.

“Yes. You saved him, but this has to be our little secret”, he said.

His voice was not what you had expected. Not as deeps as Doflamingos, not as sharp, not as dark. Then, what did you expect at all? He was hardly seen around the castle and you were never given the time to peacefully ponder about the devil’s brother. Yet, his voice seemed so familiar.

 

_“forgive me, forgive me!”_

“He cares so much about family. How ironic that his own brother doesn’t trust him”, Corazon shook his head and placed his big hand on top of yours.

“I do trust him. I believe everything he says. That is the problem, (y/n), he is a monster”, his brown eyes sharpened, focussing on something you couldn’t seem to grasp.

“You have to leave”, he uttered suddenly.

“What?”, a sudden flash of hope paralyzed you. Was he truly capable of freeing you? After all this time?

The now soundless waves of the fire behind you were reflected in his brown eyes. Passionate. Desperate.

“You have to leave. After everything you’ve done for Law, I can’t let him destroy you. Not you too”.

“How do I leave?”, you asked, shaking your head in defeat, “There are eyes on me everywhere”.

The tall blond man got up from the floor and offered you to take his hand. Strangely enough, you obeyed without hesitation.

“I’m one of them. I just have to get you to Law by the end of the week and you two will be free”, pulling you upright, the blond man moved to one of the big wooden shelves.

He was an undercover marine working to contain his brother. He had told you, deemed you trustworthy in a place deprived of truth and good. Innocence, he had said, was something he would always recognize since it was the one thing he missed the most.

Hidden under the protection of his silent bubble, his words remained only heard by you. With Doflamingo always being close within your proximity, Corazon couldn’t approach you with anybody watching. Yet, he tried everything to shield you from his brother’s insanity as much as he could.

Your heart screamed to trust him.

“Where is he now?”, your eyes followed his stiff movements as he reached for a book far beyond your reach.

“On a small boat several islands away. He is waiting for us, but I need some time to properly plan this through”, he said and opened the book.

There was a little note hidden behind the pages. Corazon silently handed it to you.

“ _Please don’t be mad at me. I want to save you too”,_ you read _._

The blond man chuckled and watched you fold the note back, a subtle smile lingering on your lips as well.

“After all, he is still a child”, you muttered. His intentions were pure even though he tried to mask them.

“Yeah, I watched him struggle over this so much. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. Pour boy tried so hard to apologize”, his laugh echoed inside his bubble and made you smile even wider. Somehow you could imagine Law desperately fumbling at his big hat with teary eyes and hundreds of crumbled-up paper notes lying beside him.

“We had to move fast, (y/n). Doflamingo believes him to be in a hospital”, Corazon sighed, “Officially, you failed to heal him”.

“Okay, that is what Doflamingo should think, right? I healed him, didn’t I?”

You had never doubted your ability. If life was a choice, you made sure the person got it. Yet, you mostly healed physical pain. Not being able to monitor and observe the process was new to you. What if you had just postponed the outcome?

“You did! He is healthy. Every doctor we visited wasn’t able to tell something had been off”, his large hand moved to pat the top of your head, “…and this is another reason I won’t let you behind”.

His warm smile radiated kindness and filled you with a kind of hope you thought was lost forever. This stranger gave you so much, yet you knew so little. Maybe it would be alright. Maybe this was everything you needed to survive.

When he put the book back onto the shelf, his black coat caught fire.

 

_If the world had been a different one, his warmth could have reached you. His strength would have been yours too. Beyond the rivers of blood and corpses could have laid so much more, a star-studded sky ending the nights of utter darkness._

_If the world had been a different one, you would have had a life, a path you chose yourself._

_Uttering your wish a thousand times to no avail, your eyes opened to the same world over and over again, day after day. No change had come._

_If the world had been a different one._

* * *

 

 

The beauty of the garden began to fade as the morning cold enveloped the air. The sun was barely up, hidden behind dark wads of clouds.

You sat on a bench with a blanket tightly wrapped around you and a cup of something Jora had made. You would be gone by the end of the week. Just a few more days to endure. Corazon had entrusted you to keep him and Law a secret in order to save you too. Being completely oblivious of how he was going to do that, you had to adapt to his plan.

“Mrs (y/n), here you are”, an elderly man, Lao G, approached you from inside the mansion, “…the youn _g_ master would like to see you now”, he said, folding his hands behind his back.

“Is it because of tonight?”, you asked while standing up and following him inside. He shrugged.

“It is not my place to ask”.

You followed him to the second floor until stopping in front of Doflamingo’s room. A cold shudder travelled down your spine. The last time you’ve been there had you almost killed. Considering how close you were of breaking free, you decided to keep low and restrain yourself as much as possible.

Lao G knocked three times before opening the door and offering you to step inside. Taking a deep breath, you did as asked.

Nothing had changed since last time, his room still pretentiously representing his power. Yet, it was seemed strange and incomplete without his presence. You walked to his desk where a chink of light illuminated the surface through the big, heavy curtains. One simple closed envelope laid on top of it. Was it for you?

You were about to take a closer look at it, when a voice startled you.

“Fufufu, I wouldn’t touch that, little flower”, taking a step back, you bumped into the familiar chest, startling you even further. You swiftly whipped around to see Doflamingo towering over you.

“You weren’t here a second ago!”, you hissed.

The blond man snickered and almost gently lifted your hand towards his lips.

“I was. It seems you get accustomed to my presence”, his lips slightly touched your skin, “Your guard was down”.

Wanting to show him that you weren’t affected by his manipulating words, you pulled your hand away again.

“Don’t flatter yourself”, you growled.

The large man chuckled and moved to sit on the corner of his desk. Silence enveloped the room, his grin fell. You felt his eyes on you, but it seemed as if he didn’t really pay attention. As if wanting to capture the moment, you remained still as well, holding his covered gaze without further intentions.

_It is so easy to hate him, but…_

One of his fingers twitched slightly and you felt your body being moved forward. Yet, you didn’t oppose. Somehow you knew he wasn’t going to hurt you.

When you stood right in front of him, your hips just inches away from his thighs, his hands wrapped around the clasp of your collar, opening it with a quick motion.

“I will have to leave for a few days”, he said, “We have to postpone our dinner, little flower”.

You blinked surprised. Why would he tell you that?

As if reading your mind, Doflamingo chuckled and threw the collar on the carpet behind you.

“You won’t run away”, he replied to your unspoken question, “you chose loyalty over freedom. An odd trait you seem to uphold even now”.

“My loyalty does not belong to you!”

“Well, you seem to be quite fond of Law and my brother. As long as you want to protect them, you and I are in the same boat”.

You wanted to tell him how wrong he was. How terribly hated he was, but you refused to endanger everything Corazon has worked for until now. So, you kept silent.

Albeit you knew it was odd for you to let his accusations slip, he seemed pleased with your behaviour. Whatever he was dealing with right now devoured his whole attention and patience. Good.

“If that’s all, I’d like to return to the gardens”, you said, turning halfway. You didn’t expect him to intervene, but his hand wrapped itself around your arm.

“There is one more thing”, he stood up and walked you towards his bed, where you quickly spotted a cardboard box laying beside his pillows.

“What is that?”, you asked.

He slowly removed the cover, your eyes glued to his fingers.

“I thought you would like it”, he grinned, “we found it near the hospital”.

With wide eyes and shaking hands you carefully reached for the tiny white bird sitting on top of some tree leaves. It made no sound when you placed on your right palm, but you noticed both of his broken wings and his crooked tail.

“This is a long tailed tit”, you watched his little eyes scan his surrounding while not being bothered by sitting on your palm. You smiled.

When you were younger, your master would often bring injured birds back from their missions. _“For practise purposes”_ , he had said, but you knew he cared as much as you. The memory of your master felt like a life time ago.

“Ah, and a white one at that. Take good care of such rarity”.

With that, he left the room. You gulped. For the very first time, you didn’t know what to say. You wanted to say _thank you_ , but the silent voice inside your head warned you. There was absolutely no reason for him to do such a thing. So why did he?!

 

_…why were you looking for something else to believe in?_

 

* * *

 

 

The bird recovered quickly and stayed by your side. Most of the time you spent working in the hospital or reading in the gardens. Corazon was with you all the time, the other family members either gone with Doflamingo or occasionally accompanying you. Both of you made sure to keep your voices low when speaking about Law or his plan to free you both; sometimes you invited him onto your chambers, if the matter was of significant importance.

Every day, you would dine with the other members before being escorted by Jora to your room. Lao G brought you breakfast, Senior Pink took you outside sometimes. Even if it sounded grotesque, you felt safe within your captors’ walls. The little voice inside your head reasoned that as long as he wanted you by his side, no one would hurt you.  Not even Diamante.

“Girl”, the latter had hissed once when he approached you in the gardens, “That is for you”, Diamante almost threw the white flower he was originally holding.

“What for?!”, you narrowed your eyes, “Are you asking me to cut your throat again?”

“Tsk. It’s from the young master”, he growled.

Doflamingo kept sending you white roses through the others and you found yourself enjoying those small gestures. You knew who he was and what he did, but that was beautiful. An almost innocent gesture.

 

One day, when you returned to your room past midnight, you found Corazon sitting on the floor feeding the little white bird.

“(y/n), where have you been?”, he asked without looking at you, his concern leaking through nevertheless.

“Corazon”, your voice was nothing but a mere whisper, “Do you believe he can change?”

The blond’s eyes widened, and his mouth fell agape, causing his cigarette to fall to the ground.

“No!”, he breathed. Leaning your back against the door, you averted your eyes and sighed.

“No!”, with just two long strides he reached the door and forcefully grabbed your shoulders, “Don’t you dare, (y/n)! He is no one you can save!”, he shook you, but you didn’t seem to snap out of your little dream you found oh so endearing.

“I….”, your eyes hesitantly met his, “…sometimes I believe I can”.

Corazon stopped dead, but his fingers remained sunken in your flesh. His whole body shook with anger and fear.

“Don’t”, he pleaded through gritted teeth, his brown eyes searching for yours. You shook your head in defeat.

“I know how it sounds but is it such a sin to wish I could?”.

“It is idiocy to wish for such! No matter how charming he might appear, deep down he is the same monster he was when he captured you!”.

You sighed again, your gaze wandering to the little bird. He was right.

“Promise me, you won’t be doing anything stupid!”, he begged.

“I promise”, you whispered.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The day Doflamingo returned was the day Corazon wanted to take action. He told you to stay low and to return to your room immediately after the dinner. There was a ship waiting for you two to bring you to Law, before another ship would transport you to another place far away. With Corazon’s devil fruit, you only needed to wait for everyone to sleep.

That night, everything would change.

There was a dress laying on your bed when you were about to get ready. It was a silky, long dress which did not fit into his extraordinary world. Having nothing to lose, you decided to grant him his wish in wearing it tonight.

“I’ll be back”, you whispered to the little bird sleeping on your pillow and doused the candle on your desk.

 

You saw him already sitting behind the dining table, sipping on a glass of wine. Lao G guided you to your seat opposite to him.

“Welcome, little flower. I see you like the dress”, Doflamingo snickered.

“Yes, it’s appropriate, I guess”, his lips twitched slightly as he didn’t expect an answer to his usual innuendo. With a swift motion, he dismissed Lao G and the others working for him, so that you and him were the only one left in that giant room.

The lighting had been reduced to a minimum, candles further enlightening the room. The windows were open, and you could hear a piano from somewhere outside. If it had been any other man than Doflamingo, you could have enjoyed the romantic atmosphere.

 

_Further down your marriage, he always made sure to dine with you alone at least once a week. At that time, you were convinced to be his, there was no need for his effort. But he continued to indulge you in your romantic fantasies until the very end._

_Oh, what a perfect illusion it was._

 

“Do you wear this for me?”, his voice suddenly became darker, “…or for my brother?”.

“…What?”, you felt a shiver run down your spine, the cold engulfing your skin. It was as if ice had coated the room.

“You’ve been with him quite often now, my dear. Is there a reason behind it?”

You stared at him with wide eyes, the flames of the candles mirrored in his glasses. How did he know?

_Please no!_

“Yes, I like him the most of your family”, you replied, careful not to let your guard down. Your voice was slowly cracking though.

“I see, so what has been on your mind during my absence?”, the way he slowly guided his glass towards his lips became dangerous. Your senses tingled.

“Why does it matter? I was busy-“

“Fufufufu, like playing house with my little brother?!”, his fingers grabbed the corner of the table and forcefully flipped it to the side. You gasped, eyes wide as the porcelain and silverware shattered across the floor, the ear-deafening smash swallowing the room.

“Not like this, little flower!”, your heart accelerated in your chest when you saw him slowly approaching you with his long legs. You tried to press yourself deeper into the chair, legs trembling from the effort, but it took him only a few seconds to reach you. With both his hands grabbing the armrest and his body in front of you, he forced your eyes to meet his covered ones.

He was furious.

“Do you think you can fool me?!”, the wood underneath his hands cracked and you found your fear-smitten face reflected his eyes.

“W-what do you mean?”, hearing your cracking voice, Doflamingo straightened himself and run his fingers across his short hair.

“Do you honestly believe, I would let you go just like that?”, his sharp voice cut through you.   He knew, what were you supposed to do now?!

“I’m not going anywhere”, you shouted, hoping to reach him through his wrath.

“Do not lie to me, little flower. I know where my foolish brother wants to take you, I know where that _brat_ is”, he chuckled, “I know everything”.

His right hand pulled out a Den Den Mushi from inside his pocket: “Vergo?”

“Young master”, you heard a foreign voice replying to Doflamingo, your mind unable to process what was happening.

“Ready the bomb”

_What?!_

“You’re not serious…are you planning on blowing up your own brother?!”, you finally stood up from the chair and approached him, your voice shouting in despair.

“He betrayed me, he is no longer my brother”, you watched the darkness take over his face, a shadow clouded his eyes.

 

_“Promise me, you won’t be doing anything stupid!”, he begged._

_“I promise”, you whispered._

 

“Doffy, please!”, you ran towards him.

 

_“…and this is another reason I won’t let you behind”._

You wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your body against his. From the corner of your eye, you saw him lower the snail in confusion.

“Doffy”, you stressed his name, your hiss almost painful, “I won’t leave you!”.

Your hands wandered up to his chest, fingers desperately clutching the pink fabric. You motioned him to lower his head, and he did without hesitation.

“Don’t do it and stay with me”, you pleaded, before pressing your lips on his.

_He knew what you offered and what he had to pay, but he took it nevertheless._

He devoured you furiously, his hands on your body, his lips punishing yours. From outside the window, the piano still maintained his beauty. The flames flickered in the wind.

“Prove it”.

You allowed him to lead you to his bedroom, allowed him to undress you. If that is what it took to save them, then you knew no other way.

His lips explored every centimeter of your burning skin, hands travelling down your spine.

 

_“Well, you seem to be quite fond of Law and my brother. As long as you want to protect them, you and I are in the same boat”._

 

Wrath turned into passion. Trembling softly, your fingers slightly swept across one of his shoulders. He let go of your lips and moved his gaze to look at you.  

 

_“Did anything change?”, he would always ask before nipping on his wineglass._

_“Never”, you would answer_.

 

“What changed?”, you whispered pitifully against his shoulder. He leaned forward again braced his palms against the pillows beside your head. Your hands moved up to remove his glasses and he allowed it.

Somewhere, there was beauty in his eyes. For now, you allowed yourself to dwell in that thought. That was enough.

.

.

.

“(Y/n)”, you turned your head away from the window to watch the ghostly silhouette of your old friend sitting on your bed.

“Something’s on you mind, Cora-san?”, you smiled.

He shook his head in defeat.

“Why did you do it? Back then I mean”.

The rain was still pouring while Law took your luggage inside his submarine.

“Every time I looked into his eyes, I saw darkness. You two were the only light I had left”, you traced small circles on your bare arms, his touch still lingering after all these years.

“And now?”, he asked.

You chuckled: “It doesn’t matter now. Darkness blinded me”.

“Did you say anything?”, Law opened the door, his clothes completely soaked by the rain. You turned to take a look around the empty room.

“No”, you replied, silently smiling to yourself.

_Further down your marriage, he had given you a mind to think, a soul to feel, strength to have. Yet, your heart remained shattered by his hand._

_Maybe, and just maybe, he had given you his along the way._

_But maybe that was just another romantic fantasy he had granted you._

 

_“You will stay here with me, my queen”, he breathed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a long time, I know... but rest assured, that I will finish this story. There are four chapters left, with the 10th being the epilogue, which I have already finished writing some time ago (I will absolutely love it. That is exactly how I wanted the story to end).
> 
> Hope you will stick with me until the very end and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


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